Another Awkward Week [2.8.13]

Good news, everyone! It is Friday and I am still alive. I don't want to get too cocky but I think the chunky garlic juice worked. Medical miracles y'all. Well, I'm still not feeling 100% and miiiight call an actual doctor today, like a responsible human, or I might just lay around and complain about how tired I am. Good news is: it looks like I'll have a nice, lazy ol' weekend.  Nemo Comin'! Per this New York Magazine article, NYC could get anywhere from zero to 38 inches of snow today into tomorrow -- a totally reasonable range that does not at all sound like something I'd make up as a hilarious exaggeration for a blog joke. More serious weather pundits are now saying we're due for somewhere closer to a foot. I'm so ready. Stuck inside all weekend with nothing to do but drink wine and lay around and catch up on Nashville? Well don't mind if I do.

Now without further ado, here's what was keeping it awkward this week.

These People:

new girl

Because you guys, I have a confession: I like New Girl! AAAH. Backstory: I have a general distaste for Zooey Deschanel in that terrible girl-on-girl hate kind of way, I just find her insufferably chipper and twee and obnoxious and also I'm crazy jealous that SHE'S the gal who gets to wear the "adorkable" crown and represent awkward girls everywhere and all guys want to sleep with her even though she'd probably narrate the entire sex act in song accompanied by a ukulele and match  her hair bow to her lingerie and where's MY TV SHOW??? So yeah, I'd been avoiding New Girl like the plague, even after cool people, people whose TV tastes I trust, told me over and over that I'd like it. I held strong, I did! But suddenly this weekend I found myself compelled to watch just one episode on Hulu and then just one was eight was two seasons and now I'm in love.

I don't even know what I stand for anymore. All of my principles and values, gone. Is this who I am, in the post 30 Rock world?

This Gate:

20130206_170057

This is one of three turnstiles that everyone must pass through when going in and out of my office building. Those metal arms in the middle swing both ways, depending on if you're coming or going, and every now and again they go a little haywire. Tuesday I left the office around 10:30 AM, due to my deadly illness. I went to exit through one of the turnstiles, but instead of swinging out to let me through, the arms swung back towards me, trapping me where I stood. I backed away to allow them to cool off and right themselves. They swung back to their center resting spot and then opened forward as I approached, only to wildly swing back towards me, slamming me on the thigh and trapping me in their embrace.

I yelped. People saw. I have a giant bruise the color, size and shape of a large eggplant on my upper left thigh. SMOOTH MOVES.

Speaking of yelping and scene causing...

This Mess:

20130204_135713

I usually eat lunch at my desk because I have a sad and dismal life and also we don't have a work kitchen where people can sit down like civilized human beings and enjoy a meal. Monday I was starving, as always, and was shoveling my leftover black bean chili (recipe here - so recommended!) in my piehole with such intense vigor that the force of my spoon actually FLUNG my tupperware container right off the desktop and all over my floor slash dress.

As the soup flew off of my desk in dramatic slow motion I yelled "Oh God!" so loudly that a passing colleague stopped to check in on my well being. NOTHIN TO SEE HERE. Keep on moving.

Lucky for me the tupperware landed bottoms up, so I was able to salvage some of the remains of the soup. Tiny victories.

What else is under my desk (aside from the now permanent chili stains), as long as we're down there? Let's take a look!

This Ikea Bag:

goodwill

Full of old clothes. I brought this into work right before I moved to my current apartment, intending to then sell them to a thrift store or something. This was 1.5 years ago. Still there.

Two Rolls of Wrapping Paper:

wrapping p aper

Sure. Why not.

This Charger:

charger

To an old cell phone. Necessary.

Five Pairs of Shoes:

shoes

Those black boots have been re-soled probably 8 times and then last winter one of the heels just fell right off while I was walking to lunch one day. They're unsalvagable and have been sitting literally right next to a garbage can for over a year now and yet I have not physically placed them in said garbage can to get rid of them. WHYYYYY.

And finally, wait for it, waiiiiit for itttt....

This Wig:

wig2

Part of a Halloween costume from like 4 years ago (sassy grannies on their way to Atlantic City), I've been storing this gem under my desk for some reason. Why don't I wear this every day?

The sad part is, that is totally what my actual hair would look like if I cut it short. Let this be a reminder to me should I ever decide to go for that classic Mom style. Future Liz, you are can NOT pull this off.

The end! Wasn't that a fun tour of the disgusting place where I spend approximately 80% of my waking hours? Am I going to clean out under there now that I've revealed my dirty secrets to the world? Not a chance!

I hope everyone has an absolutely delightful weekend. If you're in the path of the Snowacane, be safe! And if you live somewhere other than the East Coast, well, you be safe too. Everyone be safe! Buckle up! Don't drink and drive. Condoms every time! Wear a helmet! Read instructions before assembling any construction projects. Don't operate heavy machinery after drinking cold syrup. Just...be safe.

xoxo Liz Ho

Another Awkward Week [11.30.12]

Good morning to you all and happy Friday! What a long week. It was strange how early Thanksgiving fell this year (the earliest statistically possible! #math), that a week has already passed and we're still in November. I dove headfirst into the Christmas spirit the moment Santa's sleigh pulled into Herald Square last week and have been listening to Holiday Tunez and decorating all week - I recently downloaded that website / app/ whatever called Spotify mostly so that I could listen to Taylor Swift for free (I know, I KNOW).  It links to your Facebook account so all of your friends can see what kind of music you're into. I've been getting ragged on all week for my Holiday endless stream of Christmas music,  which include copious amounts of James Taylor and the new John Travolta/Olivia Newton John album "This Christmas" (lol THIS COVER!). My pals are so rude! Olivia N-J is a living treasure, these people wouldn't know Holiday Spirit if it punched them in the face. Which it wouldn't. It's far to sweet for that!  

Moving on! Here's what else was keeping it awkward this week:

This Pen:

pen

And not just because this is the corniest picture I've ever taken. It's a wonderful pen with flowing purple ink. I always leave pens and markers uncapped on my desk and get ink all over my arms and shirt sleeves. Well, yesterday, I went to the ladies room and pulled down mis pantalones and saw I had purple ink on my LEG. On my upper thigh. Hence a photo of the pen, not the ink stained leg, this isn't that kind of blog. HOW did it get there?? The pants were black (one of the 3 pairs of skinny black pants I wear every day on rotation), so I couldn't see if there was purple smeared all over them. Did I black out and stick the pen down my pants? I don't think I'll ever solve this mystery!

These Nylons:

stockingsBecause I realized while doing laundry this weekend that I have over a dozen pairs of nude knee-high pantyhose. What woman under the age of 84 needs that many pair of flesh toned stockings? Me, apparently. <3 each and every pair. I also realized that it's not easy to take a photo of a pile of nude pantyhose, so I tried several angles and backdrops and then made this beautiful collage. DO feel free to print out and frame. It's the perfect holiday gift for all of your loved ones!

This Pillow: 

etsy

Because YES it is embroidered with a giant image of Martha Stewart's face. Creepy? Yet adorable. Etsy has a Holiday Pop Up Shop in SoHo in NYC for the next two weeks, I stopped by last night and spotted this beauty.  I actually totally love it and want it, please. If you're in NYC I'd recommend stopping by, it's a great place to look for gifts! They are not yet selling my beautiful knee-high pantyhose portrait series but do have lots of other cute stuff. I got THE most perfect lil gifties for my godson and his brother, I can't wait to share!

This CD: les mis

Because it arrived for me earlier this week and, when not rocking out to All I Want for Christmas is You, I've been listening to this bad boy and yes, I'm not afraid to admit, occasionally signing along. Oh, did I mention this has been happening in the workplace? My colleagues adore me. But I can't stop, I'm OBSESSED, just 26 more days til the movie comes outtttt, but who's counting. I'll have some deep thoughts on Les Mis for y'all next week. If you're not familiar with this epic musical, I'd suggest you spend the weekend catching up.

Also awkward: a friend reminded me this CD is available online, and for free and asked who still buys actual CD's anymore. Apparently the same people who own 67 pairs of nude pantyhose, that's who... It literally never even occurred to me to download this online. Hah! Welcome to the 21st Century, Liz.

This Hairball: 

wig

Because it's just a harmless wig, but it looks grotesque and scared me witless earlier this week. You may have noticed I never shared my Halloween costume here with y'all, because it wasn't as grand (or nearly as nude) as years past. In totally un-Liz Ho fashion, I put something half assed together at the last minute and went as Taylor Swift, with whom I am apparently now obsessed. It was actually pretty cute, even thought basically no one knew who I was supposed to be and one gal even called me Hanna Montanna. Sigh.

swifty

Anyway! The coupe de grace of the whole costume was that blonde wig, which I  tossed in the back of my closet after Halloween night. Earlier this week I was crouched down, digging through my closet for winter clothes and spotted that grotesque plastic bag of hair lingering in a dark corner. I thought it was an animal, screamed, and fell over backwards. Terrifying! I might need to do some home organization this weekend...

And there you have it, folks! How was your week? Did you do anything ridiculous? Do you love James Taylor? Did you buy me a Christmas present yet?

xoxo Liz