Another Awkward New Year: 2014!

Hey y'al! Remember me? No? Understandable! It's been about 1 million years since I last blogged (minus a few millennia which I added on for dramatic emphasis.) I barely remember how to type! Mmdfdyumme meep merp. So Happy New Year, guys! How late is too late to wish someone a HNY? A friend of mine says Martin Luther King Day, so I'm still in the game. Related: when did it become OK to use HNY as an abbreviation? I'm going to go with never and yet, here we are.  I'm having a little trouble gearing up for the New Year. I took some much needed time off from, well, life over the holidays - no wedding planning, no writing, no house cleaning, no work, no pantswearing, basically nothing productive, at all, whatsoever and it was good. Goo-ooo-OOD. But now I'm realizing I may have decompressed a scoonch too much because I'm having some difficulty um, recompressing. Is that a real word? Sure!

Exhibit A: Our Christmas Tree

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Photo taken yesterday, January 14. Maybe time to get rid of the old gal? Related...

Exhibit B: This Poinsettia

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Photo also taken yesterday, January 14. Don't worry, I pitched this. Lasted surprisingly long considering it hadn't been watered since like, Benedict was still pope.

Exhibit C: Our Kitchen Floor

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(Un)fortunately it doesn't come out suuuper clear in this photo but this floor is just COVERED in grime. It's disgusting. There is enough spilled food caked onto those tiles to end world hunger.

That was symbolism by the way, I wouldn't actually feed floor food to starving people, ok. I'm not a monster!

I am also not a mopper, apparently. GROSS.

Exhibit D: Our Wedding Website

Created over a month ago and never touched again. Zero helpful information and for some strange reason, listing that our wedding day was December 6, 2013. Congratulations, us! I hope it was fun.

Not pictured: PILES of work to do at the office, PILES of dirty laundry, PILES of money not in my bank account with nothing to show for it, PILES of wine and carbs in my mouth, PILES of tissues from the cold I can't seem to shake, PILES of me running this piles-of-stuff joke riiiiight on into the ground.

That said, I have been achieving some things. I tested out our new slow cooker. Veggie chili, in case anyone is interested, which you surely are not. I've been running a ton! For real this is one thing I'm proud of. And we're through one whole season of The Sopranos which is on my 30 Before 30 List so it counts as productive and don't you even dare try to convince me otherwise.

And that is what's going on over here. January's always kind of a rough month for me. I get sort of mopey and weird and blue.  I usually find a way to dig myself out come February and these past few weeks, I don't know. I just felt like I needed to sit back and wait and let the year start on without me. I'll catch up, I'm sure.

I chose not to make any set Resolutions for 2014 - what with the whole wedding scene (which my wedding day twin Sandra Di points out is just over 200 days away... SILENT SCREAM!) and a cool 27 items left on my 30 Before 30 List, I really don't need to take on any more goals or responsibilities.

I mean, see Exhibits A-D up there. I think I have plenty of things to deal with on the day to day.

That said, I do have two little goals I'm trying towards this year, which I guess technically means I did make resolutions after all but whatever. Semantics. I'd like to write more (LUCKY YOU!) and take some much needed care of my self in the mental health department. Anxiety, be gone! Both of these are equally noble goals - but then I had a near Tony Soprano level panic attack (it's not a spoiler if it's from the pilot...and it aired like 14 years ago) the other weekend because I felt guilty and anxious that I hadn't written in days, so I decided maybe the Write More business needed to take a little back seat (just for now!) until it came naturally.

And the lucky for everyone what came naturally was this word vomit. Go back in your cave and keep hibernating, Liz!

BASICALLY I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I'll be back with my reguarly scheduled programming this Friday but I felt like after I'd been gone for so long I needed some kind of intro? In case everyone forgot who I was? Allow me to reintroduce myself my name is Ho (bag). H to the izzo O to the baggo, I pledge allegiance to the American flaggo.

The end shut it down FOREVER.

So happy 2014, a quadrillion years late, my sweet friends. How are you all? What's new? How was your holiday? Any resolutions? Goals? Hopes? Dreams? DISASTERS?! Do tell. I may be in a (super) weird mood today but I'm so SO excited for this new year  - 2014 has so much in store for me. I'm getting married! And turning 30! And finishing The Sopranos! And, of course, dealing with that whole anxiety thing.

2014: The Year of Marriage, Milestones and Mental Health. Let's do this thing!

Step One: throw out the Christmas tree.

xoxo Liz Ho

Another Awkward New Year: 2013!

Happy New Year!! I hope everyone ushered in 2013 with plenty of champagne and ridiculousness. I celebrated at a friend’s party in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. He hosts an amazing bash every NYE - last year I left with a huge goose egg on my knee after a too-much-bubbly stumble and the year before, just hours after chopping off half of my hair in what is now known as the Great Round Brush Incident of 2010, I met Brian. Two years later, my hair’s better than ever and so are we. Worth it.

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I already posted this photo to instagram and facebook but wanted to show it off on yet another online medium, lest anyone not fully grasp how cute we are.

Alrighty then, once you've finished barfing over that internet PDA, let's talk New Year, New You type stuff. As is customary in this country and probably others, now is the time to look ahead and make some resolutions for the upcoming year. But before we do that, let’s take a quick look back at the past 12 months, shall we?

As a whole, 2012 was a good year for Ol Hobags. I got a promotion, made Freshly Pressed twice, ran a race, went from long distance dating to down the street dating, got a sassy new do, discovered glitter nail polish, drank a lot of wine and, of course, cured the common cold. Patent pending on that one, though. All in all, I’d give it two thumbs, way up. Beginning the year, I set a lot of lofty, extremely serious goals for myself, too. So how’d I do?

  • Catch up on Breaking Bad - NO :(. This is the greatest shame of my year hands down. One of the downfalls of having a boyfriend in the same city is that we have to...I mean GET to... hang out all of the time, which means I have less time to lay around, alone, bingeing on TV. Brian is currently catching up on BB but is still several seasons behind me so it's hard to catch on my end when we're hanging out. Boyfriends ruin everything. I just spent twelve minutes trying to think up a clever “bros before hoes” riff on this and the best I could come up with was “Mr. Whites before Date Nights.” That should be twitter trending worldwide any minute now.
  • Finally choose between Ryan Gosling and Jon Hamm (anticipating this is the year one or both of them proposes) - Threesomes! Why pick one? (gross.)
  • Figure out ideal hair color - did not even try
  • Try one new type of cheese each week - probably
  • Stop texting while crossing the street - absolutely not. Now that I own a smart phone, I “like” instagram photos while crossing the street. I am basically the Amanda Bynes of walking: a disaster waiting to happen.
  • Go to yoga class at least once - Yo, I went TWICE. Yoga is incredibly difficult. I know I’m late to the party on this, but it’s a lot more than just sitting around breathing. I went to a class on Sunday and can still barely move my arms.
  • Put a bird on it! - constantly
  • Wear red pants - yes!
  • Try Zumba - no!
  • Learn to correctly spell the following words: alchohol, wierd, Carribbean, embarass - alcohol, weird, Caribbean, embarrass (thanks spell check!)
  • Perfect faux British accent - pip pip, cheerio, old chap!

Giving it a very rudimentary glance it looks like I accomplished possibly half of these, mostly ones involving cheese and pants, so I think I did prettttty good for myself. Pretty, pretty good.

Now! Sayonara 2012, So Long, Farewell, Al Wiedersehen, Goodbye! It is time to turn our hearts and minds and belly buttons to the future: to 2013. I have been thinking long and hard (TWSS) about what I want to accomplish this year and think I’ve come up with a pretty solid list. Last year I didn’t get around to doing this until January 23 so I’m already a significantly improved human being!

  • Write More. I am in the midst of compiling a detailed plan of action called “How To Become a Famous Writer in ?? Easy Steps,” the ?? because I haven’t quite finished yet. So far it is 12 steps. Simple.
    • Step One: Blog More. I plan to be writing here three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Friday. So technically I should have written this yesterday but I was confused and thought it was a Monday...which is still no excuse, I just said I’d write Mondays...off to a great start! Listen, it was my first day back at work after a week and a half off and I decided it was the perfect day to simultaneously give up coffee and begin an intense course of prescription sinus medication. I’m lucky my head hasn’t just fallen right off my neck at this point. What I'm saying is, stay tuned. It's happening.
    • Steps Two through Twelve: TOP SECRET!
  • Eat Nicely. This sounds hippie dippie but don’t worry, I’m not turning vegan. Hopefully! Actually, this resolution was initially entitled “Conquer IBS!” but another of my resolutions is “Stop Talking About Your IBS In Public All The Time,” so I decided to change it. Figure out what ails me and cut it from my diet. Even if it is something delicious like coffee (sob!) or gluten. But oh god, PLEASE DON’T LET IT BE LACTOSE! #cheese
  • Learn How To Wear Red Lipstick and Drink Whiskey. I yearn for someone to call me a “broad” by the end of 2013.
  • Be Present. Ack, again, this sounds very crunchy and hippie. Apparently I am turning very spiritual in my old age. Scary. But straight talk, for just a moment: I have a bad habit of fretting on the past or worrying about the future and it’s not great. Sometimes it is very not great, and leads to some rather serious anxiety, but other times it’s more subtle, I’m just never quite focused on the moment I’m actually living. As I get older and begin to think more about “adulthood,” I find I am constantly trying to speed things up (I need to get married! My eggs are drying up! What retirement community should I move to?!), or slow them down (my youth! We have to go back, Kate, we have to go back!) when I should be just enjoying where I am now: happy, healthy, relatively settled, hilarious, good looking and generally in a great place. Looking back on 2012 I feel like it flew by. I know it is a cliche to say that every year goes faster than the last, but I’m beginning to see some empirical proof of that and I don’t want my life to buzz past while I’m busy picking out linens for my imaginary future wedding. (Um, just kidding Brian!) This year I’m slowing it down, living in the present and savoring every moment. And if that makes me a crunchy spiritual hippie weirdo well, Namaste Bitches.

So there you have it. 2013: The Year of Living in the Present While Wearing Red Lipstick, Not Pooping as Often and Writing Up a Storm. I’m excited!

And what are YOUR resolutions?!

Happy 2013, my loves! xo Liz Ho

One Awkward New Year

Happy New Year, Everyone! I can’t believe it’s finally here. I know what you’re about to say: it’s been here for weeks. Well, broaden your mind, friend, today marks the start of the Chinese New Year, and I am hopping on the dragon bedecked bandwagon.  Our friends in the Far East seem to really have their shit together (minus a few minor human rights infractions, but who’s perfect) so I’m syncing up with their Lunar calendar. This year I’ll be kicking it China style. I love making New Years Resolutions. There is very little that gives me more pleasure than making highly detailed lists of lofty goals for self improvement. Keeping them, ehhhhhh, not so much.For as long as I can remember I’ve had the same two resolutions. I’ve added in a few extras from year to year to keep things fresh but the key items are to stop biting my nails and get on top of my finances. Now, at age 27, my fingers are bloodied stumps and I’m over 80 grand in debt to a variety of nefarious money lenders.

Enough is enough. This year will be different, and not just because I’ll be wearing little beaded rubber slippers and eating my rice with chopsticks. This year, I’m making resolutions I can keep.

  • Catch up on Breaking Bad
  • Finally choose between Ryan Gosling and Jon Hamm (anticipating this is the year one or both of them proposes)
  • Figure out ideal hair color
  • Try one new type of cheese each week
  • Stop texting while crossing the street
  • Go to yoga class at least once
  • Put a bird on it!
  • Wear red pants
  • Try Zumba
  • Learn to correctly spell the following words: alchohol, wierd, Carribbean, embarass
  • Perfect faux British accent

I also asked some of my closest friends and family members for their advice on what they think I should strive for in the new year. I got surprisingly few responses so I do hope the non-participants have included “Pay More Attention to LizHo” on their list of resolutions. Though, the suggestions I did receive make me really concerned for my public image. One friend told me to have an out of wedlock baby (ummm, no), another to stop going to bed before 10 PM (also no) and a third said I should stop walking around with no pants on and also stop talking about fictional characters as though they are my real friends. Sounds like someone’s jealous that Tami Taylor likes me better.

The best answers came from my darling mother who wrote:

Stop biting your nails. Try to relax and not stress over things so much. And work on publishing or writing.  I think you are good and I think you would have an audience. Otherwise, you are perfect..

Perfect! You’re damn right, momma.

No matter what I achieve in 2012 I think I can promise one thing: 一個尷尬的一年.

(That’d be One Awkward Year in my new native tongue, Traditional Chinese.)