Another Awkward Week [1.17.14]

Hey Skittles! (What? Why?) How was everybody's week? Mine felt interminable. 'Twas  my second full week back after my long holiday break and thank the gods of every religion that we have off Monday because I am just NOT having it with this whole five day workweek scenario. A fat no thank you to that. I just spilled water on my laptop, always great for electronics, and in trying to quickly dry it up, I somehow managed to make the page super tiny small and now my fingerpad keyboard mouse type thingey won't work and I don't know how to fix it. HALP! Maybe it will be stuck like this forever and I'll have to type wearing giant magnifying glasses. NOOOOOO!

Ok fixed it. What a tense moment that was! And we all went through it together. I don't know about you, but I feel like we've really been through Hell and back and have come through the other side, stronger and better for it.

Oh my god, I am seriously losing it. ANYWAY. Ok. So. Where were we? Oh yes! 2014. Here is a gratuitous photo of me & Brian on NYE + our photobomber friend Kamran because I think it's cute, even though Brian looks like a bit of a demon with this red-eye which I would totally fix if I knew how to use a computer.

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3 Year Anniversary! Que Romantique!

SO!I knowww I said I'd be back to my regularly scheduled programming today but looking through my phone/brain, apparently NOTHING awkward has happened to me in the last three weeks! MAYBE I'm normal now! New Year, New You!!! 

Ok, I guess you could count the large chunk I took out of my index finger with a wine opener on Christmas Eve literally one second after uttering "don't worry, I know how to open a bottle of wine."

And then the exploding champagne bottle at my friend's during the Golden Globes.

Maybe I should also confess to eating, in January, SEVERAL cookies from a tin that my department had baked & sent out pre-Christmas as a gift only to have it be returned post New Years. LIKE YOU WOULDN''T.

Or crawling around our apartment on my hands and knees wearing an old t-shirt, no bra and, inexplicably, rain boots, attempting to sweep up the 450-897966 pine needles that rained off of our dead old tree when we finally took it down ... last night.

Oh, and of course, there was that incident where I flushed our apartment toilet (POST numero dos) and it overflowed all over the bathroom floor ...and we had company over (kill me literally immediately) and I ran out in to the living room where our guests were sitting with a plunger in one hand and 9000 paper towels in the other and very casually cool announced "soooo basically no one is allowed back in our bathroom until I say so don't ask any questions everything's fine GREAT BYE! and then ran away to deal with the disaster. I fixed it FYI. 

YES. Those are things that have happened but sadly for us all, have not been photographed. Maybe happily for all of us in the overflowing john situation. Perhaps not a new year, new me at all but just a new year, lazier me when it comes to photography. Better luck next week!

Maybe I just need a little inspiration...in the form of other people's misery! Help a sister out, friends. PLEASE tell me the funniest thing that's happened to you these last few weeks? Sharing is caring!

AAAAAAND...GO!

Another Awkward New Year: 2014!

Hey y'al! Remember me? No? Understandable! It's been about 1 million years since I last blogged (minus a few millennia which I added on for dramatic emphasis.) I barely remember how to type! Mmdfdyumme meep merp. So Happy New Year, guys! How late is too late to wish someone a HNY? A friend of mine says Martin Luther King Day, so I'm still in the game. Related: when did it become OK to use HNY as an abbreviation? I'm going to go with never and yet, here we are.  I'm having a little trouble gearing up for the New Year. I took some much needed time off from, well, life over the holidays - no wedding planning, no writing, no house cleaning, no work, no pantswearing, basically nothing productive, at all, whatsoever and it was good. Goo-ooo-OOD. But now I'm realizing I may have decompressed a scoonch too much because I'm having some difficulty um, recompressing. Is that a real word? Sure!

Exhibit A: Our Christmas Tree

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Photo taken yesterday, January 14. Maybe time to get rid of the old gal? Related...

Exhibit B: This Poinsettia

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Photo also taken yesterday, January 14. Don't worry, I pitched this. Lasted surprisingly long considering it hadn't been watered since like, Benedict was still pope.

Exhibit C: Our Kitchen Floor

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(Un)fortunately it doesn't come out suuuper clear in this photo but this floor is just COVERED in grime. It's disgusting. There is enough spilled food caked onto those tiles to end world hunger.

That was symbolism by the way, I wouldn't actually feed floor food to starving people, ok. I'm not a monster!

I am also not a mopper, apparently. GROSS.

Exhibit D: Our Wedding Website

Created over a month ago and never touched again. Zero helpful information and for some strange reason, listing that our wedding day was December 6, 2013. Congratulations, us! I hope it was fun.

Not pictured: PILES of work to do at the office, PILES of dirty laundry, PILES of money not in my bank account with nothing to show for it, PILES of wine and carbs in my mouth, PILES of tissues from the cold I can't seem to shake, PILES of me running this piles-of-stuff joke riiiiight on into the ground.

That said, I have been achieving some things. I tested out our new slow cooker. Veggie chili, in case anyone is interested, which you surely are not. I've been running a ton! For real this is one thing I'm proud of. And we're through one whole season of The Sopranos which is on my 30 Before 30 List so it counts as productive and don't you even dare try to convince me otherwise.

And that is what's going on over here. January's always kind of a rough month for me. I get sort of mopey and weird and blue.  I usually find a way to dig myself out come February and these past few weeks, I don't know. I just felt like I needed to sit back and wait and let the year start on without me. I'll catch up, I'm sure.

I chose not to make any set Resolutions for 2014 - what with the whole wedding scene (which my wedding day twin Sandra Di points out is just over 200 days away... SILENT SCREAM!) and a cool 27 items left on my 30 Before 30 List, I really don't need to take on any more goals or responsibilities.

I mean, see Exhibits A-D up there. I think I have plenty of things to deal with on the day to day.

That said, I do have two little goals I'm trying towards this year, which I guess technically means I did make resolutions after all but whatever. Semantics. I'd like to write more (LUCKY YOU!) and take some much needed care of my self in the mental health department. Anxiety, be gone! Both of these are equally noble goals - but then I had a near Tony Soprano level panic attack (it's not a spoiler if it's from the pilot...and it aired like 14 years ago) the other weekend because I felt guilty and anxious that I hadn't written in days, so I decided maybe the Write More business needed to take a little back seat (just for now!) until it came naturally.

And the lucky for everyone what came naturally was this word vomit. Go back in your cave and keep hibernating, Liz!

BASICALLY I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I'll be back with my reguarly scheduled programming this Friday but I felt like after I'd been gone for so long I needed some kind of intro? In case everyone forgot who I was? Allow me to reintroduce myself my name is Ho (bag). H to the izzo O to the baggo, I pledge allegiance to the American flaggo.

The end shut it down FOREVER.

So happy 2014, a quadrillion years late, my sweet friends. How are you all? What's new? How was your holiday? Any resolutions? Goals? Hopes? Dreams? DISASTERS?! Do tell. I may be in a (super) weird mood today but I'm so SO excited for this new year  - 2014 has so much in store for me. I'm getting married! And turning 30! And finishing The Sopranos! And, of course, dealing with that whole anxiety thing.

2014: The Year of Marriage, Milestones and Mental Health. Let's do this thing!

Step One: throw out the Christmas tree.

xoxo Liz Ho

New Year, Same Everything

2013 is 16 days old and I suppose big changes are ahead but, for now, this new year’s lookin’ a lot like the old one. Here are  6 key facts that don’t seem to have changed since we flipped our calendars. alarm clock

 1. It is important to remember to set your alarm if you don’t want to oversleep for work, like I did this morning, whoopsicle!

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2. Bagels & Cream Cheese > Oatmeal, no matter how many g-dang “fun” toppings you put on it

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3. Caffeine sho ain’t easy to quit.

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4. Tina Fey & Amy Poehler are American Treasures.

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5. It really sucks to be Lady Edith. (image via

Hurry & catch up on Downton Abbey at Netflix or PBS.com!

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6. Wine makes everything at least 47% better. 

And, as always, I'd rather be just about anywhere other than my desk right now! Have a delightful Wednesday, my fine friends. Wake me when it's time for Happy Hour!

 

xo Liz Ho

Another Awkward New Year: 2013!

Happy New Year!! I hope everyone ushered in 2013 with plenty of champagne and ridiculousness. I celebrated at a friend’s party in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. He hosts an amazing bash every NYE - last year I left with a huge goose egg on my knee after a too-much-bubbly stumble and the year before, just hours after chopping off half of my hair in what is now known as the Great Round Brush Incident of 2010, I met Brian. Two years later, my hair’s better than ever and so are we. Worth it.

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I already posted this photo to instagram and facebook but wanted to show it off on yet another online medium, lest anyone not fully grasp how cute we are.

Alrighty then, once you've finished barfing over that internet PDA, let's talk New Year, New You type stuff. As is customary in this country and probably others, now is the time to look ahead and make some resolutions for the upcoming year. But before we do that, let’s take a quick look back at the past 12 months, shall we?

As a whole, 2012 was a good year for Ol Hobags. I got a promotion, made Freshly Pressed twice, ran a race, went from long distance dating to down the street dating, got a sassy new do, discovered glitter nail polish, drank a lot of wine and, of course, cured the common cold. Patent pending on that one, though. All in all, I’d give it two thumbs, way up. Beginning the year, I set a lot of lofty, extremely serious goals for myself, too. So how’d I do?

  • Catch up on Breaking Bad - NO :(. This is the greatest shame of my year hands down. One of the downfalls of having a boyfriend in the same city is that we have to...I mean GET to... hang out all of the time, which means I have less time to lay around, alone, bingeing on TV. Brian is currently catching up on BB but is still several seasons behind me so it's hard to catch on my end when we're hanging out. Boyfriends ruin everything. I just spent twelve minutes trying to think up a clever “bros before hoes” riff on this and the best I could come up with was “Mr. Whites before Date Nights.” That should be twitter trending worldwide any minute now.
  • Finally choose between Ryan Gosling and Jon Hamm (anticipating this is the year one or both of them proposes) - Threesomes! Why pick one? (gross.)
  • Figure out ideal hair color - did not even try
  • Try one new type of cheese each week - probably
  • Stop texting while crossing the street - absolutely not. Now that I own a smart phone, I “like” instagram photos while crossing the street. I am basically the Amanda Bynes of walking: a disaster waiting to happen.
  • Go to yoga class at least once - Yo, I went TWICE. Yoga is incredibly difficult. I know I’m late to the party on this, but it’s a lot more than just sitting around breathing. I went to a class on Sunday and can still barely move my arms.
  • Put a bird on it! - constantly
  • Wear red pants - yes!
  • Try Zumba - no!
  • Learn to correctly spell the following words: alchohol, wierd, Carribbean, embarass - alcohol, weird, Caribbean, embarrass (thanks spell check!)
  • Perfect faux British accent - pip pip, cheerio, old chap!

Giving it a very rudimentary glance it looks like I accomplished possibly half of these, mostly ones involving cheese and pants, so I think I did prettttty good for myself. Pretty, pretty good.

Now! Sayonara 2012, So Long, Farewell, Al Wiedersehen, Goodbye! It is time to turn our hearts and minds and belly buttons to the future: to 2013. I have been thinking long and hard (TWSS) about what I want to accomplish this year and think I’ve come up with a pretty solid list. Last year I didn’t get around to doing this until January 23 so I’m already a significantly improved human being!

  • Write More. I am in the midst of compiling a detailed plan of action called “How To Become a Famous Writer in ?? Easy Steps,” the ?? because I haven’t quite finished yet. So far it is 12 steps. Simple.
    • Step One: Blog More. I plan to be writing here three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Friday. So technically I should have written this yesterday but I was confused and thought it was a Monday...which is still no excuse, I just said I’d write Mondays...off to a great start! Listen, it was my first day back at work after a week and a half off and I decided it was the perfect day to simultaneously give up coffee and begin an intense course of prescription sinus medication. I’m lucky my head hasn’t just fallen right off my neck at this point. What I'm saying is, stay tuned. It's happening.
    • Steps Two through Twelve: TOP SECRET!
  • Eat Nicely. This sounds hippie dippie but don’t worry, I’m not turning vegan. Hopefully! Actually, this resolution was initially entitled “Conquer IBS!” but another of my resolutions is “Stop Talking About Your IBS In Public All The Time,” so I decided to change it. Figure out what ails me and cut it from my diet. Even if it is something delicious like coffee (sob!) or gluten. But oh god, PLEASE DON’T LET IT BE LACTOSE! #cheese
  • Learn How To Wear Red Lipstick and Drink Whiskey. I yearn for someone to call me a “broad” by the end of 2013.
  • Be Present. Ack, again, this sounds very crunchy and hippie. Apparently I am turning very spiritual in my old age. Scary. But straight talk, for just a moment: I have a bad habit of fretting on the past or worrying about the future and it’s not great. Sometimes it is very not great, and leads to some rather serious anxiety, but other times it’s more subtle, I’m just never quite focused on the moment I’m actually living. As I get older and begin to think more about “adulthood,” I find I am constantly trying to speed things up (I need to get married! My eggs are drying up! What retirement community should I move to?!), or slow them down (my youth! We have to go back, Kate, we have to go back!) when I should be just enjoying where I am now: happy, healthy, relatively settled, hilarious, good looking and generally in a great place. Looking back on 2012 I feel like it flew by. I know it is a cliche to say that every year goes faster than the last, but I’m beginning to see some empirical proof of that and I don’t want my life to buzz past while I’m busy picking out linens for my imaginary future wedding. (Um, just kidding Brian!) This year I’m slowing it down, living in the present and savoring every moment. And if that makes me a crunchy spiritual hippie weirdo well, Namaste Bitches.

So there you have it. 2013: The Year of Living in the Present While Wearing Red Lipstick, Not Pooping as Often and Writing Up a Storm. I’m excited!

And what are YOUR resolutions?!

Happy 2013, my loves! xo Liz Ho