Another Awkward Week [4.4.14]

Good morning, everyone! How's your day? Mine is already off to a very ... Liz-esque start. I wasted like 30 minutes this morning dealing with a hard-boiled egg situation. It's been what, like 2 weeks since I've done something weird involving eggs?

Basically I needed breakfast this morning and didn't want to buy because I'm trying to be responsible with my cash flow these days and I remembered I needed to make an egg for right before I wanted to leave for work, so I put it on the stove and finished getting ready and then remembered that hardboiled eggs need to chill before you eat them and how can I simultaneously chill and transport my egg this morning?

Option one: ziploc bag full of ice...leaked.

Option two: ice water in a tupperware container that guess what? Leaked.

Option three: This was the clever one - I'd fill my water bottle up with water, drop in the egg, drop in a couple of ice cubes et voila! A handy dandy egg-transporter-cooler. Except when I dropped in the egg it broke and then I realized my water bottle, which I like to drink from, was now filled with eggwater and the egg was inedible so the last 30 minutes were a waste and oh, look, I'm going to be late for work and still don't have breakfast.

And after all that, I'm out an egg and the five dollars I then spent on a breakfast sandwich. Worth it. Also, patent pending on an egg cooler transporter - it seems like an item EVERYONE needs in their life!

Anyhoodle - GOOD MORNING KITTENS!! Happy April! Were any of you fools this week? My roommate pulled a good one:

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Tee hee! Brian went to bed before I did the night of 4/1 and when I went in to use the lav before bed, I found the toilet lid shut. I didn't suspect a thing and surprise! Balloon! Good one, prankster.

And it's a prank that keeps on giving because, oh yes, that balloon is still sitting on the floor of our bathroom. We are nothing if not deeply committed to keeping a tidy home.

Le sigh.

Ok, I'll stop rambling about eggs and things and cut right to it. Let's take a look at what was keeping it awkward this week!

This Week's Spill:

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Black & white striped dress. Where do you think the salad dressing landed?

YUP.

This Bar:

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Last night one of my favorite authors was in town and we met for a drink - she also reads this blog. I'm really blurring the line between personal and professional these days. Whoops.

Anyway.

We met at this kind of hip (I guess??) bar in the West Village called The Other Room. It was a gorgeous night (FINALLY!!!) and the few seats set up outside the bar were taken when we arrived, but we were lucky to get second best: two seats at a little counter at the big front window. Score.

Except...maybe not. We got the sense right away that we were not exactly welcomed by the hipper than thou bartender. We asked for the cocktail list and he informed us they only sold wine, beer, port and sake. Port and sake. OH NYC you're the worst. We were struggling to order our wines without fully butchering the pronunciation (something called "gwendochino blanc, or something?") when another patron rolled in, an attractive woman with a serious 'tude. She was clearly upset that all the good seats were taken and complained openly about it to the bartender in the way that girls who think they're funnier and cuter than they are often do, a little too loudly, pretending they're 'just joking haha!" but actually quite seriously believe they deserve preference.

For the record, in case you can't pick up the subtlety, I do NOT find this charming.

"I wanted to sit outside." She told the bartender. "Can I at least sit at the window."

"Someone else took those seats," he replied with a shrug and disdainful look in our direction.

they both stared at us...trying to get us to move?

We muttered apologies, awkwardly chugged our grmuncmody blancs.

"Just wait it out til they get up and leave" the bartender said.

They (WE!) continued to gulp our wine as the bartender and Ms. Hot Shit talked loud and proud about how soon, so soon, "they" (we!) would just get up and vacate the premises.

It was overall a welcoming, warm and inviting bar!

And in the re-reading I'm realizing this might be one of those "you had to be there" kind of stories but sadly you were not there so you'll just have to go right on ahead and trust me and maybe just politely laugh a little bit to make me feel OK?

THANKS!

This Dress:

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Wrap dresses. They're all fun and games and figure flattery until the top won't stay shut, no matter the fact that you've afixed it to your bra with a spare bobby pin and multiple, and I mean MULTIPLE, of your coworkers have to casually pull you aside and politely whisper "Liz your, um...top" while trying not to stare at your exposed hooter.

This Picture:

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My camera must have gone off at some point? One hundred* dollars to the person who can correctly guess what this might be.

(* zero)

These Manicure Tools:

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I have a terrible habit (only one!) of biting and picking at my nails and cuticles. I know it is unattractive and unhygienic and all around gross but I love it and can't stop.

Brian's a biter too and we've realized we really need to curb this scene before the wedding - our photog will try to take those cute romantic shots of our brand new wedding bands and there will just be blood dripping everywhere. We can't have that.

So! Per a recommendation from Brian's sister (hi Emily!) I've been trying to use this Essy Apricot Cuticle Oil as a replacement - whenever I want to bite, I slather on the cuticle oil and it keeps my nails from getting ragged. Also it makes me smell delicious!

I also keep a bottle of clear topcoat at my desk because it's super appropriate and professional to paint your nails in your office (false). Earlier this week I week I slathered up my fingers with cuticle oil and thought something felt off - it was kind of thick and gloopy and OH WAIT, I just painted all over my fingers with nailpolish.

Thankfully it was clear?!

And that, my pals, was my week! How was yours? What's everyone up to this weekend? I'm reuniting with my college roomies at our friend's brand new house in New Jersey (adulthood!!) and we're going to gossip so effing hard, the world might collapse. I can't even pretend like we're going to discuss smart, valuable life stuff because we're super not. We're just going to dish on people we went to college with (maybe even YOU?!?!) and celebrities (I'm deeply concerned for Zac Efron) and drink so much wine and it's going to be Tony the Tiger style GRRRRREAT!

April Showers, May Flowers & Plenty O Pilgrims to you and yours, my fine friends. Have a great weekend!

xoxo Liz Ho

One Awkward Something Something I'm Too Lazy To Title This Ok Bye!

Well! It sure has been a while. That judgmental sloth really put me off my game. Anyway, here’s what’s on my mind at this very moment, in somewhat nonsensical list form:

BEER: This morning I was in the kitchen making my lunch (a salad, how exotic!) and my roommate was getting something out of the fridge and somehow bumped one of the shelves on the refrigerator door, breaking the shelf and sending its contents – about 80% bottles of beer – tumbling to the ground.  Glass and beer smashed everywhere and I  was barefoot so I couldn’t move an inch and we had to keep the dog out of the room and our apartment smelled like Swallow at the Hallow at 1:57 on a Sunday morning (Baltimore shout-out!) and it really started the day off on a weird note. I ended up being nearly an hour late to work but, here’s a secret: I can’t blame the beer. I was pretty much running late anyway, so decided I’d used the kitchen shenanigans as an excuse to just dick around a little longer and get coffee and my customary Friday Morning Ham Sandwich, which is a sandwich, made with ham, that I eat for breakfast on Friday mornings while re-watching Parks & Recreation in my office with the door shut.

This is weird, yes, and it is the best part of my week.

ONLINE SHOPPING: Yesterday I bought a Living Social voucher. I can’t tell you what it was for, but I can assure you it was not for either the 20 Unites of Botox or the 3 Skin-Tightening Treatments being offered as today’s deals. What exactly is going on over there at Living Social HQ? Anyway! The deal cost $15 and I had a $10 voucher so, using the transubstantiated property where A = B = C / Z ^2 [12 X A], I should have only been charged $5, but today my bank account is saying they charged me the full $15. What about the transubstantiated property do these folks not understand? Needless to say, I’m in a pickle. I mean, you guys might be out there makin’ it rain with the Hamilton’s but I recently had to use nickels to buy a roll of toilet paper, so I kind of need that money back.

I have e-mailed Living Social, no response yet. I guess they’re just not that into me?

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY: Have you guys read this yet?! Probably, ya pervs! I haven’t, for a number of reasons (laziness, snobbery) but my book club is reading it on Tuesday so I gotta get on it!  I don’t want to buy the book again for a number of reasons including money (see above) and personal dignity so I got a friend to send me a PDF of the manuscript. I have a Kindle that a co-worker lent me 6+ months ago but I still haven’t figured out how to use it, so whenever I have to read manuscripts for my job I just get the print shop to print & bind them for me, old school style and I always think it makes me look cool and intellectual when I’m reading them on the subway until I remember that no one is paying attention to me. But I can’t send this Shades of Grey manuscript to the print shop again for a number of reasons, the biggest one probably being that I have a little crush on one of the guys who works down there. He’s is so cute and charming and I can never, ever remember his name. It might be Raymond but it could just as easily be Lampshade. I am an asshole. But he is handsome and nice and I can not, in good conscience, go down to his office, where he works and call him Lampshade and ask him to print out a 400 page dungeon sex novel for me, I just can’t. So I’ve been printing it out on my department printer all day long, 25 pages at a time, hoping no one catches on to what I’m up to. So far, so good! This is only the second shadiest thing I’ve printed out here, the first being a Groupon (what is with me and the coupons) for a sex-toy company that I bought my friend for a wedding gift. Excellent gift-giver over here. And no, my aforementioned Living Social was not for sex toys, I wish!

Also, I can't speak to the quality of this text as I’ve not yet read it, I am sure is a goddamn masterpiece, but if you want to read a book that’ll get your knickers in a twist, may I recommend Ian McEwan’s Atonement? The second half is kind of boring and World-War-Twoish but the first half is all mixed messages, backless gowns, meaningful glances and SPOILER ALERT: loss of virginity standing up against a library bookshelf in the middle of a fancy dinner party.

I need a cold showah!

SALAD DRESSING: To the person currently storing their Trader Joe’s Tuscan Italian Salad Dressing in the 4th Floor kitchen of my office building, I stole some of your dressing for my lunch today. And I have no intention of paying you back.

photo © Mary Stone, professional nail photographer to the stars 

NAIL POLISH: Pastel nails are all the rage right now. Am I pulling this off? I’m not sure I’m pulling this off. Someone validate me!

Ok, enough is enough for one day. Off to the printer before someone calls HR!

XOXOXO