Another Awkward Week [12.6.13]

Hola, amigos! How was everyone's Thanksgiving?! Or have we completel moved on past el dia del pavo and on to le mele Kalikimaka?

It's my blog and I will misuse as many languages in one sentence as I see fit!

Mine was kind of hectic, travelling up and down Amtrak's Northeast Corridor, but ultimately fun. The crown jewel of course, was the reemergence of the Turkey Hats. This year Brian got in on the fun. Clearly he's thrilled.


Welcome to the family, champ.

The other crown jewel, since the best crowns have multiple jewels, according to my close, personal BFF Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton (or as I call her, Skip) (it's an inside joke, you wouldn't understand), was my 10 Year High School Reunion. It was truly a night to remember...though some parts are fuzzier than others. Open bar FTW. I'm in the midst of writing a comprehensive, insightful and obviously hilarious recap of that whole thang but that's not quite ready for public consumption so for the probably one person eager to read that (Hi Ben!!!), 'tis coming, I swear.

I actually had high intentions to blog errryday in December (William's calling it Blogmas!) but so far I'm 0 for 6. Wait, no, this counts, hah, so I'm 1 for 6! 


I'm also completely unprepared with stories & photos for this week, so while we're talking numerically, why don't we just briefly take a look back at the facts & figures of the week that was. Some might call this a cop-out and I might call them correct. 

What Was Keeping It Awkward This Week: By The Numbers!


The Number of blocks I walked after work last night to get my engagement ring resized, only to discover the jewelry store had up and moved locations.



Number of stops I then rode on the subway before I realized I was headed in the wrong direction.


Number of words I have written up about my high school reunion so far. WHOA.


Number of strange European men who approached me in the subway this week, announced "What is the word! It's the word! It's a thing I learned in English, What's the word!" and then ran away.


Number of times consecutively that I have listened to Kelly Clarkson's new Christmas JAM, Underneath the Tree.



Number of decorative Santas currently on display in my home. Plus 6 snowmen, 3 scented candles, a large felt banner spelling Merry Christmas and 2 stockings. And we're getting a tree this weekend! It's a Mother-Elfing Winter Wonderland up in this piece!



Number of times in a row I have now worn my one decent pair of black tights without washing them. Mom, please put some tights in my stocking this year, things are getting pretty disgusting.  



Number of outfits I wore this week that now bear salad dressing stains.


Number of times I've taken this Which Love Actually Character Are You Quiz, hoping to learn some Real Truths about myself.

So far, I've learned I am like Annie, the Prime Minister's head of house, you know, this bitch who calls Natalie "the chubby one"

 Annie lA

According to these results, I like being in charge and am good at making people happy. (At least one of those is verrry true.)

Quiz Two told me I am Karen aka the heroine of the saddest and possibly best (JK they're all the best!) storyline in the film:



This reveals that I'm "the type of person who loves to stay in on a snowy night with a glass of wine and an old record. You have a great sense of humor and would do anything for your family."

That is actually true! Go me, I sound great. Except will this mean I end up crying while listening to Joni Mitchell, wondering if I should wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it's a necklace and love? Would I stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would I cut and run?

(Is the fact that I can quote that entire scene from memory admirable or pathetic? Please don't tell me.)

And the final time gave me the best possible answer: SAM!


Apparently I am "creative, wise beyond my years, and very determined. I would break any and all laws to be with the one I love."

Hell yeah! Now let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love!

And that, my beautiful, unique snowflakes was my week. How was yours? What Love Actually character are YOU?!?!?!? Let’s just talk about Love Actually all day and forever and always and do nothing productive. Who’s with me?

Xoxo Liz 

One Awkward Farewell

Ho Ho Ho! Christmas is right around the corner - is everyone ready? I am not. I'm still feeling a little lacking in spirit, overwhelmed, like nothing's in its right place.  Work to finish, cookies to bake, "Love Actually" to watch 16 times (min), gifts to wrap, gifts to buy. Everyone might just get a coupon for One Free Hug this year. And some special people will get coupons for One Free Stevie Wonder. Ha, no! No one's getting an SW - I'm just going to beat that joke into the ground. And then lie down next to it and make my butt clap.




No, no, no. I just wanted to start off with some silly stuff because I have some sad, sad news to share. A Dynasty has fallen. The HoBags have been defeated. After 14 hard-fought weeks, we've been eliminated for the 2010 season, just one game away from the top. It's a tough break, sure, but we're all taking it OK, I think. Except for DeSean Jackson who totally cried into his quiche at the post-game brunch.

It helps that we were toppled by a worthy opponent; a solid team helmed by QB Michael Vick, a man who is currently living literally my favorite thing in the world: a sports-related moral comeback.

I'm already working on scripts for the movie version of his life. It will be like "The Wrestler" meets "Lassie," starring Jamie Foxx as MV (my search history now contains "black actors who look like Michael Vick," yikes), and me, obviously, as his tough-as-nails, slightly trashy lady love/baby momma who teaches him how to love, to live, to be a man. Post-prison he returns to the field, stronger, more focused - he rebuilds his relationship with his children and eventually the courts award him the right to own a dog. Then, one desperate Sunday, after his team (Fantasy, not the Eagles, let's stay grounded in reality here) is defeated by the HoBags, weakness takes over. He drives to his old neighborhood, to the dog fighting pits, but when he gets there, his former dog fighter friends are angry with him for blowing up their spot - and they beat him senseless, leaving him for dead. And kidnapping his dog! But then, his brave, strong pit bull, Conan (after O'Brien, MV's favorite late night host) escapes from the captors and rescues Vick, moments before death.

"You saved me," Vick whispers, urgently, pressing his face into Conan's fur. "You. Saved. Me." He weeps. Conan licks away his tears.

AND SCENE.  (The Oscars have just been renamed the LizHos.)

But I digress. This isn't about Michael Vick, it's about the HoBags. A team full of strength, courage, wisdom, humor, talent, running ability, good catching hands and sex appeal. They are the greatest group of men I have ever pretended to know. My heroes.

We'll reunite this spring for our annual team retreat (this year: Colonial Williamsburg!) but until then, send us home, Boyz.