Another Awkward Week [2.22.13]

My dudes, I am a terrible blogger today. I'm sorry! I am in a real state of disarray this morning and can't get my brain to organize my usual Friday roundup. What if I just show you the one and only awkward photo I took this week:

bedazzled

That's me looking GREAT in a bedazzled hat on-sale in the men's department of Zara. Which, what? I mean, listen, I am obviously totally in support of a man's right to sparkle and similarly, a lady's right to wear bowties, but gender politics in fashion aside, that is the ugliest effing skirt hat I've ever seen. Is bedazzling back in? Is it supposed to look like somebody covered a hat in glue and then poured a bottle of pills all over it? This looks like something I would make. NOT a compliment.

My birthday is just 203 days away if anyone would like to buy this for me.

Ok, what else was up this week:

  • I had a computer virus on my home laptop but I fixed it! GREAT STORY.
  • I ate terrible Dim Sum and thought I saw a guy I knew at the restaurant, but it was actually just someone who looked like him. ANOTHER GREAT STORY. 
  • I got my coat stuck in the gate in front of my apartment. The coat was on my body.
  • I ate one avocado per day.
  • I got cocktails with a very posh, poised, beautiful editor who works for a women's magazine - wining and dining the media is part of my job that I kind of love/hate - and spent at least 3 hours the next day googling her so I could learn everything about her life and be her. Like, I read articles she wrote for her high school newspaper and typed her name into Ancestry.com and looked at every single one of her Pinterest boards. WHY. On a Creepy Scale of 1 - 10 with 1 being a newborn baby sloth and 10 being Jeffrey Dahmer, how creepy is this? A 6? ...7???
  • I listened to the Ke$ha song "Die Young" probably 456 times.
  • And liked it.
  • I can't stop listening.
  • I am so ashamed!
  • My other to musical artists of the week are Flo Rida, Bruno Mars and Fun., so I'm basically a 14 year old girl.
  • I like that band Fun. but HATE that they have punctuation in their name.   What is that all about? I hate it.
  • I did NOT drink coffee for THREE DAYS. Four if you count today, but I see myself cracking in the very near future.
  • Why you ask?
  • Well, friends, because somebody is hungggggover today.
  • (That somebody is me.)
  • I went to a work happy hour last night that became about 6 very happy hours and I am hurting like a murting today. What's a murting? DON'T ASK QUESTIONS.
  • Here's what I had for breakfast:

hoagie

I am the poster child for healthy living.

With that, I think I'll shut this mother down. I need to drink 17 diet cokes and take a nap under my desk.

Happy Weekend, everyone!

xx Liz Ho

 

One Awkward Babysitter

Good morning! Did you get up to anything good on your Friday night? I babysat, which is a cool activity for industrious 14-year olds and broke grownups alike. I love babysitting. It’s easy money for the most part and I get my kid fix for a few hours. Though my current #2 fear is getting unexpectedly knocked up (#1 fear: bedbugs) I do love, love, love me some kiddos, little dudes especially. A normal thing which is nearly impossible to explain. On my first date with Brian I said to him “I don’t know how to say this without sounding creepy, but I just love little boys.”

Ummm...still looking for a way to say that. And curious how we ever made it to date two.

Anyway, all that to say, when the opportunity presented itself to hang with a small boy at the Gramercy Hotel this weekend (again, there must be a better way to phrase that...) I jumped at the opportunity.

The night got off to an illustrious start. I arrived a few minutes early to have enough time to creep around the lobby and use the facilities which I’ll give a solid B (plush towels! but no coat hooks?!) before catching an elevator. On the elevator was a thin woman wearing head to toe black and the stankiest of stankfaces I’ve seen in my 27 years on earth.

“To what floor are you going?” she asked, in a Slavic sounding accent. “14” I replied, with confidence. “You have a key?” She asked, icily. “Oh no,” I replied, “I’m meeting my clients upstairs.” She gave me a wary look before pushing the button for 14.

Clients! Who meets clients in a hotel, I ask you? Probably lots of people like business men, masseuses, en-suite Pampered Chef Party Organizers, and of course, babysitters. But  most commonly, I’m so sure: hookers! I immediately panicked that this bitchy foreign lady who I assumed worked for the hotel would think me a prostitute, since all good prostitutes show up with a tote bag full of books and a gigantic Italian hoagie (actually, if I ever order myself a gigolo that’s exactly what I’ll demand), that I plunged into panicked over-explanation.

“I’m a babysitter, well, I’m babysitting. Friends of a friend, sort of? They’re from out of town. DC. Great hotel!”  I babbled incoherently until the doors opened and my new friend rushed out of the elevator. I followed her out. She turned and gave me a glaring look. “This isn’t floor 14,” she said, before putting her own key in her own door.

I’d assumed by her aggressive demeanor on the ride up that she was the elevator operator or in some way working for the hotel, escorting me upstairs to my babysitting/prostituting gig. Nope, she was just a  lady staying on the 6th floor, making sure I knew where I was headed. I turned around to get back on the elevator, blushing and mumbling, just as the heavy door was shutting. The door crushed me, lightly, before bouncing open again to let me through. I wasn’t worried I might die, just concerned for my sandwich. All the while the “elevator operator” stared in horror.

“Oh my god,” she said. “Oh I’m fine!” I yelled as the door began to close again. “HAHA! So clumsy! Have a great night! I’m babysitting, for a baby, the clients are parents! Haha!” until it finally closed and I was left alone with my reflection in the mirrored elevator, flushed beet red, totebag swinging, gesticulating wildly.

What a mess.

Don’t worry, I didn’t kill the kid. And my sandwich was phenomenal. I’m headed back for the same gig tonight. I wonder what the evening has in store!