As I Lay Dying, or One Awkward Home Remedy

My friends, I must ask for forgiveness if I'm missing a bit of my usual joie de vivre  this week, I am dying. Just kidding, I'm fine but I do have either the flu OR a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Or a cold. Or Dengue Fever. Or I just need to catch up on sleep. So many things are wrong with me, who even knows what's up. It's just, the last few days I have been so tired.The sleepiest of sleepy bears. All I want to do is sleep and sleep and sit on the couch and SLEEP.

The whole of last weekend I was down for the count. On Friday night, Brian and I went to bed at 10 PM. And I don't mean "went to bed," wink, high five, I mean flannel pajamas, lights out, low five, I can't lift my arm because I am sleeping went to bed. Saturday I was so low energy I could barely make it through dinner - we were at a BBQ restaurant in the Brooklyn neighborhood of Park Slope called Pork Slope and I nearly passed out in my brisket. Clearly something is amiss if I can't enjoy myself at a joint whose schtick is pork and puns.  This bout of intense lethargy and exhaustion followed me into the work week, and yesterday I went home early to try to sleep it off.

I'm really, really hoping this is just a bit of a sleepy streak and nothing more serious (the killer flu is still on the loose!) but just in case, I'm fighting disease with nature.

Something I've been weirdly into lately is homeopathic remedies. I know that's really very trendy and faddish right now, but I'm into it. I like to imagine I'm giving myself the same herbal cures that Ma Ingalls might have prescribed to the girls. Which I guess didn't really work out that well for them, Mary did go blind after all, but so be it. I'm livin' natural, my friends.  My method is no method, which is to say that I don't really follow one prescriptive theory or anything. First I just self diagnose on WebMD and then I search around for home cures for whatever aliment it is I think I've developed and try whichever ones seem most popular and/or interesting. I've been drinking a lot of apple cider vinegar. This afternoon I put hydrogen peroxide in my ears and walked around with my head sideways so it wouldn't drip out. Is any of it working? Probably not, but it makes me feel like a really hip, bad ass, disease fighting super hero.

My newest concoction is this immune boosting juice that I created by taking all of the most frequently recommended items that result from the Google search "Foods To Prevent The Flu" and whipping them up into one delightful treat.


Hot water, lemon, honey, ginger, garlic and cayenne pepper.

It is disgusting! But in a really awesome, zesty, sinus-clearing way. It's simple to make: in my food processor I combine two peeled garlic cloves, a bit of peeled, fresh ginger, a few shakes of the cayenne and the juice from one lemon and then I crush it all up. My FP only has two functions and doesn't really liquify things, so the garlic and ginger just get kind of chunky, and then I pour into a cup of steaming water, squeeze in some honey until it becomes a really nice yellowish, brownish, snot-like color and voila. Hot, chunky garlic juice. Drink away! It is 100% unappetizing but I do feel slightly better today so who knows. Maybe it worked. Or maybe it was the 14 hours of sleep I logged. Or a combo. I'll go with combo.

Worship me, I am a healer!

And that's that. I'm sorry this isn't terribly funny, but I just knew you all were desperate for a peek into my glamorous and sexy life, so here's what's up! Sittin' on my couch, drinkin' my chunky flu juice, like a boss. YOLO.

Another Awkward Week [1.11.13]

Happpppy Friday! I have mascara in my hair. And how are you today? I had a very quiet, lazy week. I don't know if leftover stress from the holidays and my first week back at the office really had me dragging, but for whatever reason I've just felt homebodyish and nesty the last few days. Saturday afternoon I was out and about when something deep inside me just yelled "Liz! You need to go home and get on the couch and watch 12 consecutive episodes of Parenthood and drink tea and rejuvenate!"  And so I did.  It has been glorious. I'm a big believer in me time. Much as I love the nightlife (well, day life, early bedtimes are imperative) and love to boogie (board! boogie board! no I don't do that), sometimes I just really, really, really like being silent and alone and basically freebasing whole seasons of television series. Hulu Plus! Worth every penny.

But never fear. Alone SO does not equal having it all together. Let's take a look at what was keeping it awkward this week:

This T-shirt:

tshirt did I get spaghetti sauce inside my armpit?!

This Liquid Arsenal:


 All consumed by me last evening. In case you haven't heard: there is a killer flu epidemic sweeping the nation (literally! there is a map!) and I am not allowing this thing to get me. As a known hypochondriac slash all around crazyperson I have read every cough, ache and pain this week as a sign of impending death and have been chugging green tea and citrus juice like they're going out of style.

Also: I'm pretty sure I am actually addicted to Emergen-C. Have you guys tried this stuff? It is DELICIOUS. Fizzy and fruity with a burst of energizing vitamins! I drink it every day, sometimes more than one a day. It is an expensive habit. It's really awesome when you're hungover (which I totally never am, mom!) or feeling lethargic or just any time of the day, really. I can't get enough. I might need to be checked into some sort of vitamin drink rehabilitation center...

This Playlist:


Guys, are you watching Nashville?? Honestly the show is kind of disappointing and a mess, but I can't tear myself away. I blame Connie Britton's Hair and all the catchy tunez. I think I listened to this soundtrack on repeat no less than 9 times yesterday. Slight slight upgrade from Taylor Swift but I'm headed down a dangerous country pop path here and I'm not sure how I feel about it...

These Masks:

sleep no more masks

Our uniform for last Friday's crazy performance art show Sleep No More! Guys, this show was ridiculous. It's still as impossible to describe as it was before I went. We all wore these uncomfortable, terrifying masks and were set loose in a big old building that was decorated like half dilapidated 1930's hotel, half horrific mental institution. There was one room just full of old bathtubs. And another full of animal pelts. The performers were all dressed like they were going to a Roaring 20's themed sex party and at many occasions just stripped bare right in front of you. Like, full frontal and backal nudity. You follow various scenes from room to room so sometimes you miss things - for example I did not see the orgy scene which involves a goat head, blood and several nude male penises. Penii? I did however have a terrifying one-on-one experience where an actress dressed as a nurse pulled me into a secret room, took off my mask, and laid me down on a like, Freud couch. You know, leather, old, like you might lay upon to discuss your feelings with an old timey therapist. She covered me with a blanket and made me read some strange words that were scribbled on the wall above the couch. Before she let me leave the room she whispered in my ear "don't tell anyone!" but I'm telling everyone. Whoops. It was too weird. I was pretty convinced she was going to kill me, but she looked a lot like this girl Chrissy who I am friendly with and Chrissy is really sweet and kind and probably wouldn't kill me, so I trusted Nurse Chrissy to do the same.

The whole thing was totally bananas and totally worth it. Just trust me. If you live in New York or are planning to visit anytime soon and like nudity and strange things, I'd say this is highly recommended.

But now we have these masks at home! I guess we just throw them out? It seems so wasteful and yet, like, what am I going to do with this thing?? Anyone want to buy it from me? $100 and it's yours!

This Pumpkin:


Connie's clearing out her Christmas decor but this rotting gourd remains. Bets on how long til she finally throws it out? I'm going with May.

And finally...

This Guy:


Juust kidding, not awkward at all. More like delicious! This is a photo of spread from the new issue of People magazine (which, incidentally also features a book I'm working on as the lead review, if you'd care to go purchase that book and tell all of your friends to do the same), found it on my phone for some creepy reason and thought I'd share with all of you delightful folks as a spicy little Friday treat.

Hummina, hummina!

And that's a wrap. Have a glorious weekend. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Which basically leaves you free to sit at home, alone, crying over TV shows and eating hummus. Sounds fun!

xo Liz Ho