A Rant, A List, A Brand New Week

Hey everybody! How was your weekend?! Mine, although lovely, was not exactly what I had planned. Remember the Pittsburgh wedding I was oh-so-excited to attend? Well, that didn't happen. I mean...it happened, they are now happily married, yay, but I was not there so, you know. Trees falling in forests and all that. Just kidding! I know that life goes on even when I am not there, I'm not thaaaat vain. (Or am I?!!) Friday was a drab and rainy day all up and down the east coast, but it was by no means Hurricane Sandy Reincarnate so I was mildly frustrated but not super surprised when I received an email Friday afternoon telling me that my 8 PM flight had been pushed to 9:30. I then received a voice mail informing me it had been pushed back yet again, this time to 10:30, but don't you worry, we're still doing everything we can to get back on schedule! In one bit of actual levity for the evening, the voice mail was one of those automated services and I guess they had some confusion over the way my name was written on my ID. The message combined my first name (Elizabeth) and middle initial (M), announcing "Hello. This is a message for Alizabatham HoHENadell." HA!

I remained calm and unflustered, used the newfound free time to take public transportation to the airport instead of blowing $50 on a taxi, went through security, found my gate, bought a $400 Cesar salad, found a plug to charge my cell phone, which was at a precarious 8% battery life, and cracked open my book, when the phone rang once again.

"Hello Alizabatham HoHENadell, your flight is cancelled."

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. WHAT.

I frantically ran around the airport to find the US Airways help desk, while dialing their customer support on my cell phone, now elevated to just 11% battery life. This flight was one of just many cancellations throughout LaGuardia, so the customer service line was, no joke, 75+ people deep. I managed to get an actually super nice and helpful customer service rep on the phone while I stood in line, who told me that the good news was they'd refund my full fare, the bad news being, of course, that they had no other available flights on my route that night or the following morning.  I got out of the US Airways line and went looking for Delta, only to find them also backed up by the dozens.

I found a spot on the floor next to an outlet, plugged in my cell phone, called my mom, cried, stress ate my Caesar salad (worth every penny!) (false), yelled the F word far too loud for a public setting, looked up alternate routes to PGH and finally came to the realization that it was not happening. I would not make it to Pittsburgh. I would not see Brigette get married. I felt mad and sad and guilty and disappointed and basically every emotion you might find on the negative end of a feelings chart. I took a sad taxi home to Crown Heights, the rain pouring nearly as hard as my tears.

HAHA just kidding for dramatic emphasis. I mean, yes I cried, but that's a tad heavy handed. Trying to spice up my writing with overuse of metaphor! What if I actually talked like that? Yikes!

Enn. Eee. Way. My mom & Margie sent me loads of photos from the wedding and it looked like a truly beautiful day. I'm so happy for the newlyweds! And I was able to see Brian's sister graduate, so the weekend still  managed to be special and full of family. And also sun. Wait until you get a load of the sunburn I acquired yesterday. It's one for the record books!

HOWEVER it has come to my attention that God or Mother Nature or SOMEONE is reading my blog and deliberately trying to sabotage me.While I do appreciate the attention, I am not amused. I mean, I had expressly stated on Friday morning just how VERY EXCITED I was to fly to Pittsburgh and my flight up and cancels on me? COME ON, dude. Do you think this is because I couldn't remember the timeline of Christ's resurrection? Am I being punished for supporting gay marriage???? Whatever the reason, it is pretttty clear that someone is out to get me, so below is a list of things I am super not excited for. If my logic is correct, which it totally always is, since I'm not excited for these things, that means these days will be bright and sunny and warm and perfect and amazing...right?! RIGHT.

  • My Own Wedding. August is hurricane season, right? Let's get a storm a brewin'!
  • Similarly: My Bridal Shower this coming weekend and my Bachelorette in June. Two separate weekends being feted by my most special ladies? HARD PASS. 
  • My Cousin Angie's visit to NYC. Angie is the WORST! 
  • The string of 30th Birthday parties we have this June. Rooftops and pool parties and Brooklyn day drinking? These are a few of my (least!) favorite things. (PS: read that to the tune of the song, please, I tried really hard to make it fit.) 
  • Summer Fridays. 12 PM closing? No thanks, I'll work til 6! 

And while we're at it, something I am so totally very super excited about is next week's big publishing annual conference, BEA. Schlepping to the far west side of Manhattan in what always manages to be the hottest weather of all time for long days of standing around and small talking...I can. not. wait. I will be SO VERY SAD if a lighting bolt just strikes right down into the middle of the Javits Center and burns it right down to the ground. Please oh please don't let that happen, I long for this week all year!

There. That should about cover it. Everything's looking up for old Alizabatham HoHENadell!!!

(Arbitrary image b/c photos make blogs better, according to other blogs.)

Here's to the start of a NEW week for all of us - hope it's nothing short of spectacular. xoxo

Another Awkward Week [11.9.12]

Hello friend! I'm writing this from the Cosi at Philadelphia, PA's beautiful 30th Street Train station where I'm eating a lackluster salad and killing time. I have to go home this weekend half to attend a bachelorette party (woo woo!) and half to renew my drivers license which has now been expired for two months. I meant to get a New York license, seeing as how I haven't lived in PA for years, but I blew that situation. I was going to go on my birthday but instead I had to read facebook birthday messages and then get a manicure, priorities,  and then I accidentally misread the DMV website and thought that NY licenses cost $180 which is bananas so I panicked and renewed my old PA license online, because that only costs $30, but then it turned out that NY licenses are way cheaper for normal people, they only cost  $180 if you drive like, a tractor trailer or a megabus or something but what's done was done, so here I am spending at least $180 on train tickets + gross salads in the process of renewing my PA drivers license aka the cheaper option. Never say I don't have it all together!

Amtrak cancelled my planned train trip today and rerouted me to a new option which has me killing one hour and 45 minutes in this here train station. It is a glamorous delight. A guy just came up behind me on line at Cosi and commented on the size of my bag. He asked if I was a yoga instructor because he assumed my bag was full of exercise equipment. So, either he thinks I'm  a hottie with a body OR I smell like a gym. Either way, A+ pickup line, great job, obviously we made love.

What a day! Here's what else kept it awkward this week:

This Store:

Because that's kind of an oddly, um, specific name for a retail outlet. I wonder what they sell. Me, I want a hula hoop!

This Pin:

Because I put it on my purse 3 weeks ago at a book event and haven't gotten around to taking it off since. I just don't want anyone to forget my name!

The fact that I am now on the Amtrak train, (I left that beautiful Cosi and the man I met there. Farewell, sweet prince.) and I can not, for the life of me, get any more pictures to upload. I'm trying so hard to be a good blogger, you guys, but it is hard! How does anyone have any hobbies? I can barely find the time/motivation to sit at my computer and type up stories about myself and there are people out there  in the world knitting and doing carpentry and acting in local theater and training for marathons and all kinds of stuff. WHO are these freak people? Where do you get your time? Why are you so motivated? Do you take any cool drugs and if yes can I have some? Why won't this internet work? And why am I so sweaty? When will all Americans get the right to marry? I need a raise!

Ok, now I"m just complaining. Let's shut this mother down. Have a great weekend, nerds. And remember, there are still tons of people displaced and in need after hurricane Sandy. See my most recent blog post (I SWEAR it is better than this one) for links or check in with your local Red Cross office to see how you can help. It's a long road ahead, any little bit helps!

xoxo Liz

PS - Just spotted an Amish buggy out the train window. I'm home!