Another Awkward New Year: 2013!

Happy New Year!! I hope everyone ushered in 2013 with plenty of champagne and ridiculousness. I celebrated at a friend’s party in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. He hosts an amazing bash every NYE - last year I left with a huge goose egg on my knee after a too-much-bubbly stumble and the year before, just hours after chopping off half of my hair in what is now known as the Great Round Brush Incident of 2010, I met Brian. Two years later, my hair’s better than ever and so are we. Worth it.

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I already posted this photo to instagram and facebook but wanted to show it off on yet another online medium, lest anyone not fully grasp how cute we are.

Alrighty then, once you've finished barfing over that internet PDA, let's talk New Year, New You type stuff. As is customary in this country and probably others, now is the time to look ahead and make some resolutions for the upcoming year. But before we do that, let’s take a quick look back at the past 12 months, shall we?

As a whole, 2012 was a good year for Ol Hobags. I got a promotion, made Freshly Pressed twice, ran a race, went from long distance dating to down the street dating, got a sassy new do, discovered glitter nail polish, drank a lot of wine and, of course, cured the common cold. Patent pending on that one, though. All in all, I’d give it two thumbs, way up. Beginning the year, I set a lot of lofty, extremely serious goals for myself, too. So how’d I do?

  • Catch up on Breaking Bad - NO :(. This is the greatest shame of my year hands down. One of the downfalls of having a boyfriend in the same city is that we have to...I mean GET to... hang out all of the time, which means I have less time to lay around, alone, bingeing on TV. Brian is currently catching up on BB but is still several seasons behind me so it's hard to catch on my end when we're hanging out. Boyfriends ruin everything. I just spent twelve minutes trying to think up a clever “bros before hoes” riff on this and the best I could come up with was “Mr. Whites before Date Nights.” That should be twitter trending worldwide any minute now.
  • Finally choose between Ryan Gosling and Jon Hamm (anticipating this is the year one or both of them proposes) - Threesomes! Why pick one? (gross.)
  • Figure out ideal hair color - did not even try
  • Try one new type of cheese each week - probably
  • Stop texting while crossing the street - absolutely not. Now that I own a smart phone, I “like” instagram photos while crossing the street. I am basically the Amanda Bynes of walking: a disaster waiting to happen.
  • Go to yoga class at least once - Yo, I went TWICE. Yoga is incredibly difficult. I know I’m late to the party on this, but it’s a lot more than just sitting around breathing. I went to a class on Sunday and can still barely move my arms.
  • Put a bird on it! - constantly
  • Wear red pants - yes!
  • Try Zumba - no!
  • Learn to correctly spell the following words: alchohol, wierd, Carribbean, embarass - alcohol, weird, Caribbean, embarrass (thanks spell check!)
  • Perfect faux British accent - pip pip, cheerio, old chap!

Giving it a very rudimentary glance it looks like I accomplished possibly half of these, mostly ones involving cheese and pants, so I think I did prettttty good for myself. Pretty, pretty good.

Now! Sayonara 2012, So Long, Farewell, Al Wiedersehen, Goodbye! It is time to turn our hearts and minds and belly buttons to the future: to 2013. I have been thinking long and hard (TWSS) about what I want to accomplish this year and think I’ve come up with a pretty solid list. Last year I didn’t get around to doing this until January 23 so I’m already a significantly improved human being!

  • Write More. I am in the midst of compiling a detailed plan of action called “How To Become a Famous Writer in ?? Easy Steps,” the ?? because I haven’t quite finished yet. So far it is 12 steps. Simple.
    • Step One: Blog More. I plan to be writing here three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Friday. So technically I should have written this yesterday but I was confused and thought it was a Monday...which is still no excuse, I just said I’d write Mondays...off to a great start! Listen, it was my first day back at work after a week and a half off and I decided it was the perfect day to simultaneously give up coffee and begin an intense course of prescription sinus medication. I’m lucky my head hasn’t just fallen right off my neck at this point. What I'm saying is, stay tuned. It's happening.
    • Steps Two through Twelve: TOP SECRET!
  • Eat Nicely. This sounds hippie dippie but don’t worry, I’m not turning vegan. Hopefully! Actually, this resolution was initially entitled “Conquer IBS!” but another of my resolutions is “Stop Talking About Your IBS In Public All The Time,” so I decided to change it. Figure out what ails me and cut it from my diet. Even if it is something delicious like coffee (sob!) or gluten. But oh god, PLEASE DON’T LET IT BE LACTOSE! #cheese
  • Learn How To Wear Red Lipstick and Drink Whiskey. I yearn for someone to call me a “broad” by the end of 2013.
  • Be Present. Ack, again, this sounds very crunchy and hippie. Apparently I am turning very spiritual in my old age. Scary. But straight talk, for just a moment: I have a bad habit of fretting on the past or worrying about the future and it’s not great. Sometimes it is very not great, and leads to some rather serious anxiety, but other times it’s more subtle, I’m just never quite focused on the moment I’m actually living. As I get older and begin to think more about “adulthood,” I find I am constantly trying to speed things up (I need to get married! My eggs are drying up! What retirement community should I move to?!), or slow them down (my youth! We have to go back, Kate, we have to go back!) when I should be just enjoying where I am now: happy, healthy, relatively settled, hilarious, good looking and generally in a great place. Looking back on 2012 I feel like it flew by. I know it is a cliche to say that every year goes faster than the last, but I’m beginning to see some empirical proof of that and I don’t want my life to buzz past while I’m busy picking out linens for my imaginary future wedding. (Um, just kidding Brian!) This year I’m slowing it down, living in the present and savoring every moment. And if that makes me a crunchy spiritual hippie weirdo well, Namaste Bitches.

So there you have it. 2013: The Year of Living in the Present While Wearing Red Lipstick, Not Pooping as Often and Writing Up a Storm. I’m excited!

And what are YOUR resolutions?!

Happy 2013, my loves! xo Liz Ho

One Awkward Year: The Best & Worst of 2011

The end of the year is upon us which means that every major cultural outlet is unveiling their Best of the Year lists. I love these because I enjoy lists, culture and knowing what is superior to everything else.  Conversely, I hate these because they make me feel like both a dingbat and a hypocrite . I’m the kind of snob who only values the opinions of say, The New York Times, however never actually read or watch or eat or say or do anything that said New York Times would consider top-notch. I don’t know who Werner Herzog is (nor do I particularly care), the only art exhibit I’ve seen in the last year was a display of Amish quilts and to-date I have read exactly 2.35 of the NYT’s Top 100 Notable Books of the year, despite working in the publishing industry and loudly admonishing the literary choices of pretty much everyone around me.
So yeah, I was feeling pretty down on myself these last few weeks, having not read The Art of Fielding (I know!) or seen Tree of Life (snooze, No thank you!) or caught up on Breaking Bad (I blame my lack of DVR), when I remembered something very, very important. Everyone else’s opinions are stupid and all of mine are the best.Thus, it is without further ado that I present to you a year end list we can all enjoy and feel great about.

2011 According to Liz Ho:

The Best (and sometimes Worst) in Culture, Dining, Sex Appeal, Imaginary Best Friends and Overwhelming Self-Absorption

Best Films: 

Country Strong (if you're drunk and wearing a costume in the theater)

The Muppets (if you want to cry & sing along with your mom)

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part Deux (if you are ready to bid farewell to your childhood)

Amanda Knox: Murder on Trial in Italy (just best overall, really)

Best Art

This:

Words/Phrases That Need To Stay In 2011: #Winning Sunday Funday Loves It!

 

Words/Phrases That Ought To Make A Comeback in 2012:

Tubular

Fortnight

Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?

Best Colors of Nailpolish:

Blue Gray (fingers only) Orange Purple Hot Pink (toes only)

Best Wedding:

Morin & Wilkes!
Just kidding, those are two random strangers I found on the internet. I just thought it was too cliche to say Will & Kate.
(Actual best wedding, Will & Kate always and forever, no duh.)
(But Mazel Tov to you, Morin & Wilkes!)
Top 5 Cheeses:

1. Brie 2. Parmesean, shaved 3. Parmesean, grated 4. Pepperjack 5. Kraft Singles

10 Most Frequently Consumed Foods (non-cheese category)

1. Kale 2. Hummus 3. Ham & Cheese Sandwiches (round roll, lettuce, tomato, pickles, mayo and spicy mustard) 4. Whole wheat everything bagels with scallion cream cheese & tomato 5. Canned beans 6. Siracha sauce 7. Eggs (so tasty with #1 & #6!) 8. Trader Joe’s Masala Burgers (YUM!) 9. Wine 10. Pickles

(Possible New Year’s Resolution: protien!)

Five Men I Most Want To Go To Third Base With:

Jon Hamm, Ryan Gosling, Adam Scott, Tim Riggins, Idris Elba
(only partially because I didn’t want the internet to think I only liked white guys....)
(Honorary mention: Brian, better luck in 2012, champ.)
Five Ladies I Most Want To Go Drink Wine With, Or Maybe To The Mall, Or Get Manicures, or Like, Do A Girls Weekend At The Beach Or Something, I Don’t Know, Call Me:
Queen B, Queen T, Queen E...OK, I'll stop, Emma Stone, Amy Poehler, Michelle My Belle Obama
Greatest Technological Development:
How to make photo collages!
Most Overrated:
Zooey Deschanel
(YEAH I said it!)

 

Most Underrated:

Wendy Williams.

Woman is a GENIUS. 
Most Disappointing:
Michael Vick
After ALL we've been through together, Mikey?! 
Most Pathetic Balance in my Checking Account:
$10.21
(period ending 4/14/11. A banner month!)
Top 3 Pictures of Zucchini: 1.
2.
3.

 

 

Unsolved Mysteries:

Who killed Caylee Anthony? Why is Serena Gomez dating Justin Bieber - she’s so pretty!! The Relative Popularity of a one Whitney Cummings Who stole my brown dress shoes from the ladies locker room at New York Sports Club?!? Best Hair Day That Would Have Gone Unnoticed Had I Not Taken This Self Photo In My Friend's Guest Room The Other Day:

Sassy!

7 Random Things I Loved (Brought To You By the Letter H):

House Hunters, Hunger Games, Heidi Klum, [The] Hairpin, hot dogs,  Hermione Granger, hand cream

5 Things That Filled Me With Irrational Rage:

Guys who dressed as the Zach Galifianakis character from The Hangover, baby-related TMI on Facebook (i.e anything involving poopie updates, baby-bump photos, the word baby-bump), bland strapless wedding gowns, #overusedanduncreativehashtags, the removal of turkey from Subway's $5 footlong menu (a curse on you, Subway!)

2 Things I Still Can't Decide On:

Taylor Swift, Black Olives

The Very Worst:

Even you, Khloe. EVEN  YOU! 

The Very Best:

<3 

The Very, VERY Best:

Thanks for putting up with me! 

Best blog:

This one. Loves it!!!!!

What was your favorite everything of 2011? What did I miss?