You're Welcome, America!

Hi! Are you watching the Oscars? I won't post this until Monday morning so technically The Oscars were already last night and so by "are you watching" I mean "did you watch" but whatever, this isn't English class. Because I'm typing this Live! and In The Moment! I don't know how this ish goes down. I don't know who wins, who loses, who cries, who gives a long and overwrought acceptance speech, though my ca$h monie$ are on Anne Hathaway for that one, ugh. I don't know who gets snubbed, which presenters have the most embarrassing scripted banter and which flub their lines. All I know is this: In the opening awkward-bad-joke-cringefest monologue, American Treasure Channing Matthew Tatum took to the stage to dance and did not show even a whisper of torso. A flash of bum. A single inch of his beautifully chiseled, extraordinarily limber bod. You wouldn't ask a bird not to fly, would you? Or a fish not to swim? Why, then, why would you put Magic Mike on a stage and NOT ask him to hump the floor?

Give the people what they came for, Oscar.

Don't worry, America. I've got you covered:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbIvOf0Xmzo]

And the Oscar for Best Blog goes to: me!

This is just a short little Monday Funsie, so come back Wednesday when I'll be sharing a few special memories of my own attempts to become a famous, award-winning actress. Spoiler alert: the story involves original musical numbers, monkeys and roller blades. Not to be missed. I'm sorry I'm such a tease, but just look at Channing again, doesn't that just make your week?

I'm also VERY sorry I said "Monday Funsie" and promise never to say that ever again. WHAT is wrong with me?

xoxo  Liz

PS. Stayed awake long enough to see the supporting actress awards and I should have put actual ca$h on my insufferable speech predix. I know I'm a real hater but shut up, Ann.

PSS. Who was your best dressed?!? I'm still combing through the pics but so far I'm digging Jessica Chastain, Naomi Watts & oddly enough, Clooney's gf Stacy Kiebler. Did anyone else think the fashion was a bit snoozy this year?

One Awkward Award

Presentation2

Because today's post is a bunch of random nonsense about me, here is a gratuitous photo of Liz Ho: Age 11. 

Hiya! On a Tuesday, what whaaat! As I mentioned last night, I’ve been nominated for for the Liebster Blog Award – for bloggers by bloggers. How rad is that? I’m still not 100% sure of the rules or who this Liebster character is, but from what I gather, this is a way that bloggers can shout out to their fave bloggy friends and share them with their readers. I dig it.

I could make a lengthy acceptance speech but who am I, Jodie Foster?

Burn.

My nominee came through one of my very favorite bloggers, one of my first actual blog friends (!), a great fan of booze and Revenge: http://annmaridal.wordpress.com/. Check it. Love it.You’re welcome!

So here’s what’s up: When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you. You pass the award onto 11 other blogs, tell them you nominated them, and ask them 11 questions. You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you.

Makes sense? Makes sense! Let’s do this thang:

11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME: 1) I always brush my teeth with a green toothbrush. 2) My first word was bird. 3) I don’t know why. I don’t really care for birds. 4) I hate the smell of original or “unscented” dishsoap. 5) All the technology in the world, and I’m still hung up on how fax machines work. You put a piece of paper into a ...phone? And it prints out on the other side of the world? Bananas. 6) Never have I ever: gotten a massage, been in a hot air balloon, gotten a speeding ticket, gone surfing. 7) Two truths and a lie: I hate feet. I have two tattoos. I love tuna salad. 8) I have my belly button pierced. It is really dumb and not nearly as cute as it was when I was an 18-year-old slimster, but I don’t want to take it out. It’s become a part of me. Weird. 9) I have never seen Napoleon Dynamite. 10) I think Mary Kate is the more interesting Olsen, but at the end of the day, Ashley’s probably the one I would more enjoy hanging out with. 11) As dumb as these answers are, I secretly (not secretly) love filling out personality surveys. Unsurprising, I KNOW.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS: 1) Who, of all people in this world, would be your ideal dinner date at Red Lobster on a rainy Wednesday evening? Oh! Another fun fact: I have never been to Red Lobster! Crazy, right? But I’d still take Tina Fey on a dinner date there, rain OR shine.

2) Apples or pears? Apples. I find it’s tough to tell when pears are ripe. Is that just me?

3) What is your favorite book? OMG you are talking to the wrong gal here, way too many to list. Off the top of my head: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, The Post Birthday World by Lionel Shriver, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, anything Ann Patchett, Random Family by Adrien Nicole LeBlanc, Bossypants (obvz), To Kill a Mockingbird, Harriet the Spy...I could go on for days.

4) What’s the thing you consider yourself a “number one fan” of? Cheese.

5) How are your dancing skills? Elaine.

6) Have you ever been to Canada? What did you like/dislike? Yes! I went skiing in Mont Tremblant when I was young. I remember it being cold. We went to a movie theater in the little town one night to see Shakespeare in Love and I felt awkward watching the love scenes with my parents. We then went to Quebec City for Winter Carnival and I remember it being gorgeous and freezing with incredible architecture and ice sculptures. There was a dogsled race through the middle of town. Later in life my sis & I took the train to Montreal - 11 hours. We got very drunk at a karaoke bar where old men brought us roses and we tore down the house with our choreographed rendition of Proud Mary. I was thrown off by how the people looked so American but were speaking French. We got into a lot of sister spats but had an amazing time. Overall, I’d give Canada 4 out of 5 stars and would certainly go back again!

7) Who would you rather be in a movie with; Ryan Gosling, Jon Hamm, Clint Eastwood, Helen Hunt, Lena Dunham or Angelina Jolie? Why? Jon Hamm. Sex scenes.

8) Is cloning a Neanderthal a good idea? Why/why not? Um...no. We’ve just come a long way, developmentally, since then, and I feel like if we’re going to clone anyone, let’s clone someone modern. And hot.

9) What is the most awesome TV show ever? 30 Rock! No, Arrested Development. No! Alias. Friday Night Lights! No, Parks & Rec. Freaks & Geeks! Breaking Bad. THE WIRE. I don’t have a very active social life...

10) Would you rather a) ride a horse on the beach while singing “Puff the Magic Dragon” on live TV during the Superbowl halftime or b) drink a six-pack of Pabst in a horse carriage on stage at the Academy Awards? Ohhhh man. Excellent question. I’d say PBR during the Oscars! I just always wanted to go to the Academy Awards, so if this is my one shot, I’ll take it.

11) What’s the perfect hostess gift? Wine of course. OR a very nice candle. I know it seems impersonal, but I really enjoy candles. It seems extravagant to splurge on a fancy candle for yourself, but giving one to a friend is a lovely gift. At least for me. Come to my house and give me candles!

And that’s all about me! Fun. Someone seriously please buy me some really nice candles, it would mean a lot. Now onto step two: selecting some nominees of my own! Listed below, in no particular order, are 11 blogs/bloggers who I particularly enjoy and who I think might be up for participating in this silliness. This feels very much like a Wordpress chain letter, no? Absolutely no pressure to the nominees to fill out the survey themselves, I mean, I’ll die alone feeling really rejected and unloved, but I’m sure my family will find a way to cope with the grief. Srsly, though, this was mostly just a fun way for me to talk about myself and share some of my faves with my plethora of fans so no hard feelings if you’d rather pass.

Ok, here we go!

NOMINEES, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER: Drinking Tips for Teens Susie Lindau Home is Where the Warehouse Is Can I Get Ur Number Travels and Tea Leaves Ribbons and Pearls Leaving the Land of Cotton Lemonade Jargon Snotting Black Brunch for Every Meal Thoughts of a Lunatic

QUESTIONS FOR NOMINEES: 1. What is your favorite vegetable? 2. If you had one shot, or one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted in one moment, would you capture it or just let it slip? 3. Breasts or thighs? Of a CHICKEN, ya perv. 4. Would you rather have an extra nose in the middle of your forehead OR an ear dangling from the bottom of your chin? 5. Who was your hero when you were a child? 6. Floss: waxed or unwaxed? Mint or unflavored? 7. What is your favorite holiday and why? 8. What is your standard daily breakfast? 9. Who is your favorite political dictator and please give a 700 word, 5 paragraph essay detailing why. 10. What is your favorite boy band and who is your favorite member? (I’m judging this answer.) 11. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?