One Awkward Security Checkpoint

Hi guys! I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I was in Chicago (The Windy City!) with my famalam, and we ate a lot and were tourists and wore turkey hats all around town:


We're pretty cool people.

But despite all of the festivities, and the food, and the food-hat festivities, one aspect of the trip left me seriously disappointed, worried about the government's blatant disrespect for travellers.

You know what I'm talkin bout. For weeks before the holiday, the news was abuzz with wild tales from the Transit Security Authority. Full body nude scans, pat-downs, reach arounds, the works. From the sounds of all the scoundrels in the liberal elite media, it was basically a giant, orgiastic, airport free for all.

And whoooo boy was I excited! I prepped for the security line like I'd prep for a 3rd date (3rd date after marriage, Mom!!). Buffed & groomed from head to toe. The finest of lingerie available from the Target sale bin, matching socks. This was going to be the trip of a lifetime, not just for me but for the TSA. Fireworks.

So I'm sure you can imagine my dismay, nay, OUTRAGE, when I made it through the security line on both my departing and return flights completely unmolested. Nary a single touch. I even got to keep my belt on! This is appalling! I mean, if you promise a girl some gentle, government mandated, over the sweater fondling, you had better deliver. Yeah, sure, 4th amendment blah blah blah, but what about those of us looking to get to 2nd base with our constitutional rights? What about us?! Do you want terrorism to win???!? Al Qaeda is terrible, for sure, but hell hath no fury like the bored, creepy, single traveller looking for blog material.

Watch yo back, TSA! I'm coming for you!