One Awkward Love Cruise

I know we're still deep in the midst of Christmas but I need you to look ahead a quick sec to February and answer the timeless question: What are you doing for Valentine's Day? Now, I know most of you will be busy either a) making love to your one and only atop a pile of rose petals or b) watching Lifetime and downing a smoothie made of chardonnay, Hagen Daz, tears and Xanax, depending on your romance status, but I found something special that I think all of us could really enjoy:

Your eyes do not deceive you! In honor of their 20th Anniversary, American music legends Boyz II Men will reunite to host a special Valentine's Day Love Cruise. Amenities include:

  • Boyz II Men Welcome Cocktail Party
  • Boyz II Men Experience with all band members
  • Concert performance by Boyz II Men
  • Additional Fan Appreciation Concert by Boyz II Men
  • Special Ceremony - Renew Your Wedding Vows Onboard with Boyz II Men
  • Singles Mixer with Boyz II Men
  • Photo Session with Boyz II Men in small groups
  • Question & Answer Session with Boyz II Men
  • Formal Prom Night
  • Poker Tournament
  • Deck Party with Boyz II Men & Guest DJ
  • 2 Additional Deck Parties with DJ's
  • Gift Bag
  • Other onboard drawings for exclusive Boyz II Men Event Opportunities!
  • Full Access to all of Carnival's activities and facilities!
  • VIP Concierge at your service!

!!!!!! Formal Prom Night!!!!! I would cut off both of my legs and just hop around the dance floor on my bloody stumps if it meant I could go to prom, on the open seas, with B II M. (Only like 20% joking.)

Also: GREAT news, they offer a variety of packages/cabin sizes with room for 1 - 4 guests, so there's something for everyone! Marrieds, singles, sister wives, everyone! (They even have a roommate matching service for spinsters, awwwww.) Also, ALSO (so many alsos!) you can renew your wedding vows on board in a special ceremony with the band (gah!) AAAAAND, this:

Have you ever dreamed of having Boyz II Men be a part of your Wedding Day? Carnival Cruise Lines offers a limited number of wedding ceremonies performed onboard. First Come First Serve as only 3 weddings per port.

YES YES YES!!! I have dreamed of that every single day of my life since I was 7 years old and first discovered Boyz II Men and my mom wouldn't let me buy their CD because she thought the song "I'll Make Love to You" was inappropriate, even though, if you listen to the lyrics, it's actually a really, sweet, tender song, (pour the wine, light the fire, girl your wish is my command), especially in light of all of the rap songs you hear these days, where everyone talking about like, fucking hos from behind on the roof of a Benz or whatever they do, and anyway, that song is magical and despite being banned from listening, I would still watch the music video on VH1 whenever I went to my friend Becky's house, and I was like "THIS IS LOVE!" and then I knew what true romance meant and so yes, a million times yes, I would definitely like Boyz II Men to be a part of my Wedding Day!

So now I just need a groom! (Or bride, whatever! Are gay marriages allowed in international waters?) E-mail me: Or if anyone's just interested in going halfsies with me on this trip, also e-mail me. (By "halfsies" I mean you pay for the whole thing and I sleep on the other half of the cabin.)

 In case you still need some convincing:


(AAAAAAAHHH! Matching striped button downs and white jorts!!!!!)

 And before you can ask, yes, maybe I AM going to include a Boyz II Men video in every blog from now on. What of it?