Of course we have a Pi Day mug. Marrying a math teacher has its perks!
(PS look at that face! Such a studmuffin, I can't even handle it.) (PSS: sorry! Can't help myself!)
How was everyone's week? Mine was fine! I feel like it was fast? I can barely remember what happened! A blur of wildly vacillating temperatures and Buzzfeed Quizzes. I just took this one: Which Queen of Comedy Are You and got Julia Louis Dreyfus! I feel pretty OK about that.
Who are you?!
Let's move it right on along, Comedy Queens, and take a look at what was keeping it awkward this week.
The ladies' room in our office is a complete hellscape - the toilets never seem to be flushed and there's always mysterious water all over the ground and the lighting in the mirror area makes everyone look like extras from The Walking Dead. The worst.
Also, the locks on the stall doors never seem quite secure, like, for example, this week when I was doing my thang and the stall door next to me slammed a little bit, the momentum of which slipped my door right out of the locked position and started swinging it open.
NIGHTMARE OF NIGHTMARES.
I managed to stop it & slam it back shut before anyone saw anything too graphic but YIKES. There is no safe space in this world! I would consider taking a pay cut (jk never) if it meant budget to fix this bathroom, it is truly a palace of horrors.
We had a pizza lunch at work the other day and a noon I was staaaarving, so I confirmed with my assistant what time we were eating. If it was 1 PM, I'd eat my healthy apple. If it was 12:30, I'd hold out.
12:30 it was! I'd hold out.
Until I went into my office & spotted the bag of Doritos leftover from our Valentines' Day Chip & Dip Extravanga hidden in a corner where I'd stashed them February 15 to avoid shoving them all in my face in a fit of madness. But oh no: the fit of madness had snuck in anyway! I took one handful, re-hid the bag and got to work.
Then snuck back for one more handful! And then just...one...more...and then I shut my office door and hid at my desk hoovering Doritos until Margaret knocked and walked in to announce the pizza had arrived and caught me red-handed.
Err...orange handed. Literally.
And then later that night, this happened...
That horrible moment when you turn on your camera and realize it's still switched to selfie mode and you see what your real face look like in repose.
ALL the yikes in the world can't even begin to describe this.
Remember how proud I was last week of my Mental Health Day on Monday (Otherwise known as "take-a-break-before-you-shiv-somebody" day per Ross or "lay in bed with your fiance like the grandparents from Willie Wonka" according to my friend Danny) and how I did all that laundry? WELL said laundry hung to dry in our living room for a cool 6 days later until someone (me) finally put it away.
I guess I just need to take another mental health day ... one to do the laundry...and then one to fold it. One to put it away. One to iron the fancy stuff. One to rest after all that work. Oh look, I'm retired! Goodbye, corporate world, you've been real.
Last week I went to not one but two different Asian restaurants and both of them had really fancy sinks. I'm not trying to racially generalize here, I'm just sayin' that was some rad sinnkage.
The first place was a terrible and I mean TERRIBLE estalishment in Chinatown that served undercooked pork dumplings and probably poisoned us all. Their sink was bright blue and shiny, it looked like it was made with ferrari material, and you turned on the water using a joystick. A literal joystick, like you'd use for videogames. It was awesome.
The second place was a delish Sushi spot in Park Slope that I love to visit except whenever I get sushi I eat wahaaaay too much because it seems like it won't fill you up and then wham it totally does and then Brian's like "hey it's Friday, let's get busy" and I have to be like "no to the way, Jose." There is nothing less of an aphrodisiac than a stomach full of sushi. Is it just me? Is this 15,000% too much information? ALWAYS.
Anyway, their sink is the art deco delight pictured above. It had a regular handle that you flipped up to turn the water on and then moved side to side to change the temperature. How you turn it off is a total mystery to me. I stood in the bathroom for several minutes turning the knob left, right, up down, front to back side to side and the water just kept on running, so I left it run, went back to the table, got my phone, took this photo, moved it around some more and finally, miracle of miracles, the water stopped.
It wasn't just me, I'm happy to report. My friend went in after me and she TOO had issues working the sink so we're blaming it allll on the mechanics of the sink. We're perfect.
Semi related, I'm now majorly jonesing for some eel avocado. Is 9:15 AM too soon? What do Japanese people eat for breakfast?
Life is full of questions!
Aaaand I'm done before I start sharing more weird information about my intimate life and / or inappropriate breakfast cravings. What's new with you chickies? Any big weekend plans? ST PATRICK'S DAY! Get that green beer y'all.
Luck o' the Awkward,