One Awkward New Year

Happy New Year, Everyone! I can’t believe it’s finally here. I know what you’re about to say: it’s been here for weeks. Well, broaden your mind, friend, today marks the start of the Chinese New Year, and I am hopping on the dragon bedecked bandwagon.  Our friends in the Far East seem to really have their shit together (minus a few minor human rights infractions, but who’s perfect) so I’m syncing up with their Lunar calendar. This year I’ll be kicking it China style. I love making New Years Resolutions. There is very little that gives me more pleasure than making highly detailed lists of lofty goals for self improvement. Keeping them, ehhhhhh, not so much.For as long as I can remember I’ve had the same two resolutions. I’ve added in a few extras from year to year to keep things fresh but the key items are to stop biting my nails and get on top of my finances. Now, at age 27, my fingers are bloodied stumps and I’m over 80 grand in debt to a variety of nefarious money lenders.

Enough is enough. This year will be different, and not just because I’ll be wearing little beaded rubber slippers and eating my rice with chopsticks. This year, I’m making resolutions I can keep.

  • Catch up on Breaking Bad
  • Finally choose between Ryan Gosling and Jon Hamm (anticipating this is the year one or both of them proposes)
  • Figure out ideal hair color
  • Try one new type of cheese each week
  • Stop texting while crossing the street
  • Go to yoga class at least once
  • Put a bird on it!
  • Wear red pants
  • Try Zumba
  • Learn to correctly spell the following words: alchohol, wierd, Carribbean, embarass
  • Perfect faux British accent

I also asked some of my closest friends and family members for their advice on what they think I should strive for in the new year. I got surprisingly few responses so I do hope the non-participants have included “Pay More Attention to LizHo” on their list of resolutions. Though, the suggestions I did receive make me really concerned for my public image. One friend told me to have an out of wedlock baby (ummm, no), another to stop going to bed before 10 PM (also no) and a third said I should stop walking around with no pants on and also stop talking about fictional characters as though they are my real friends. Sounds like someone’s jealous that Tami Taylor likes me better.

The best answers came from my darling mother who wrote:

Stop biting your nails. Try to relax and not stress over things so much. And work on publishing or writing.  I think you are good and I think you would have an audience. Otherwise, you are perfect..

Perfect! You’re damn right, momma.

No matter what I achieve in 2012 I think I can promise one thing: 一個尷尬的一年.

(That’d be One Awkward Year in my new native tongue, Traditional Chinese.)