One Awkward Social Network

Are you guys on Google+ yet? I am. Jealous? You should be. If you’re unsure of what Google+ is well, you need to crawl out from that rock you live under and get wid it. Haha JK. No one knows what Google+ is. And, actually, good on you for the living under a rock thing. I pay 8 billion dollars a month to live in an apartment with plywood floors and a mouse problem so you may be onto something. Anyhoodle, Google+ is, as far as I can tell, a new social media platform run by…wait for it…Google, which will allegedly will take the place of facebook and streamline and blah blah internet revolutionize hashtag communicate etcetera etcetera etcetera. There’s been a lot of buzz on the internet, I guess, mostly just people on facebook talking about the new facebook which, whoa, my brain. They debuted the system last week or the week before or god knows when with some ‘invitation only’ thing, but it has now made its way down the food chain to good ol Hobags, at which point I think it now becomes obsolete. Despite being a smart young person who works in the communications field and thrives on any form of attention, I can’t figure out this whole social media thing. I actually recently learned after years of hilarious jokes that I am, in fact, 1/8 Amish (!!!!) so I guess I blame my heritage?

It’s just too much! Facebook, I can do. But barely! Every week they change something or put up new features and everyone does Farmville and oh my cataracts! Except old people jokes don’t even apply here because old people can do The Facebook better than I can.  I had a MySpace in college but I only joined that because I found out that this guy I was making out with’s ex-girlfriend had a MySpace and the only way I could see what she was all about was to get my own MySpace so yeah, that happened. Not my finest moment. I started a Twitter account, which was fun for a hot sec, but then I got involved with all sorts of work contacts and just didn’t know what to twit. Er, tweet. I could tweet “professionally” but that seemed both boring and pretentious or I could tweet “personally” but I don’t think my work contacts need to know what really goes on in my brain. So then I had TWO Twitter accounts, one for book shit and one exclusively for boner jokes. Why did the boner cross the road? To get to the other side! Ugh. Both of those accounts quickly fell into disrepair. (On that note, I have now updated my “personal” Twitter! Click the T icon at the top of this page or follow @awkwardliz for a good time. Please?). And I don’t think we need to get into the online dating scene, we all remember how well that went. On top of all of this, my company instituted a corporate networking site, which I think really takes the fun out of the internet if you ask me, where we can get on the web and chat it up about radio shows or book covers or whatever it is that goes on around here. I lost my password. I do expect my employee of the month badge to be arriving any moment.

And here we are. Google+. Another opportunity for me to fail at the internet. This afternoon I decided to give it a go and, just as a test (!) uploaded a link to a recipe I recently made. I thought it would just go on my feed or my page or whatever but it seems, instead, that I e-mailed my entire g-mail inbox with the following message:

"Hey everyone! Look at this salad I recently made for myself and then tell me how jealous you are!"

Charmed, I’m sure. I should consider myself lucky it was just about salad and not like, my favorite lubricants or something (KY warming jelly!) (Just kidding I have never tried that it creeps me out!) (Has anyone tried it and if so please report back in the comments now I am curious?) (AAH shut it down!), but I don’t know who received this e-mail! Both my mom and my gentleman friend, neither of whom are on Google+ received the message, which means it could have gone to old college professors, weirdos I met on OK Cupid, my HR coordinator at work…anyone! BLERGH.

So in summation, if you received an unwanted e-mail about salad, I do apologize. If you would like to be my friend on Google+, please send me an invitation and/or don’t bother, I won’t know the difference! If you know how to use the internet, and would like to guide me, I would be eternally grateful.

And if you like quinoa, look at this salad I recently made for myself and then tell me how jealous you are!