One Awkward Bun in the Oven

I'm probably too old to admit this, but I often feel awkward around ladies who are prego. I can't help but imagine the happy soon-to-be-parents doin' it. I wonder what position they were in at that Touchdown! moment? Also, I fear I'll accidentally blurt out what I'm really thinking, like "OMG you're going to get so fat!" or "I hear some ladies shit themselves mid-birth!" or "God, sure hope your kid isn't ugly."

I mean...congratulations!

Also, what if the lady is just fat and you THINK she's pregnant? Mortifying.

Anyway, these are a few of the many million reasons I'm doing my best to avoid getting knocked up. Yes, I'm a little drunk right now.