Hiiiiiii! Long time no, um, see? I'm sure you've all been wondering what I've been up to. Well don't tell anyone but I have been sequestered in a lab as part of a top secret study on the effects of brie cheese on memory retention in human females.
No. That is not even remotely true. But wouldn't it be cool though, if brie cheese was some kind of magic super food? Like, I love superfoods as much or possibly even more than the next gal, I'd wager I spend a good 40% of my day reading about antioxidants on the internet, but do all superfoods have to be so, you know, kale? Would it absolutely kill mother nature to just throw us a bone and be like NEW FOOD NEWZ: creamy stinky cheeses are the answer to eternal youth!!!!
A girl can dream.
In case you're getting the hint that I'm stalling and rambling because I have nothing interesting to report but still feel compelled to blog due to some strange mix of guilt and ego you are CO-rrect! How smart you are. I'll be you eat a LOT of cheese.
SPEAKING of smart I was in Pennsylvania over this past weekend and I left my wallet sitting on my mom's kitchen table. WHOOPS. Don't need any of those essential items like credit cards or ID's or subway passes. Luckily she realized it while I was still en-route so I was able to text Brian and have him come rescue me at Penn Station. My knight in shining Mossimo!
Totally gratuitous photo of my hot benefactor who bought me a metrocard and sent me off for the week with a handful of $20's and his credit card just in case. I felt like a 50's housewifey with an allowance. Or Pretty Woman...except with more kissing on the mouth, but less polo matches and piano sex.
Has anyone ever actually had sex on a piano?? It seems like one of those things that looks hawt in a movie but in real life is just uncomfortable and logistically confusing.
I'm not a total boring prude, I swear. I know how to keep it spicy...
ANYWAYAYAYAYAYAY turned out the most important missing piece in my wallet was my work ID. In order to get into my office one must go through a series of three locked doors, each of which can only be opened by a valid company ID. The security staff has gotten extra strict about letting people breeze past even if said people have worked in the building for EIGHT GODDAMN YEARS and you know their face and they plead really nicely with you and I know you're just doing your job, dudes, but cut me a break here, so every morning I just lingered around in the lobby like a freak of nature waiting for someone I knew to come in and the pounced on them "HIIII!! HELPPPP" and made them buzz me into the building. I basically accosted our new marketing assistant one day and she was super sweet about it but in the elevator on the way up was like "um, who are you again?"
Just the office weirdo, don't mind me.
My uncle, who had also been visiting my mom, very kindly mailed the wallet up to me and it arrived safely and soundly Wednesday afternoon, so now the only weird stuff I'm doing around the office is sneezing loudly and cupping my boobs and spilling food everywhere. THE USUAL.
Ok this could not be more boring if I tried. I'll stop talking and just leave you here with this perfection of a music video that I have now watched no less than 13 times because I just love Jason Derulo and I don't care who knows it!
YES I know I already shared this on the HottSauce Facebook page last week but literally only 14 people saw that post (trust me, I checked the stats, really taking over the world with this excellent blog) and also I think you can stand to rewatch because Jason and I are soulmates and I want you all to feel our love.
The END. I am outtie 5000 (is that a thing people say? Or did I make that up? WHAT??)! What are you doing this weekend? I'm going to a BBQ tomorrow and maybe the beach on Sunday. Sum-sum-summah. I'll be a better blogger next week too, I swickety swear.