Another Awkward Week [7.10.15]

Friday! Friday! Gotta get down, etc. How ARE you?! I feel like it's been  a decade and a half since I've done one of these Friday blog post shenanigans. This week was killer - it was, I think, my first full week in-office since Memorial Day. 

WOOF.

Between travelling and holidays and being out with authors, I hadn't actually had to be sitting here, butt in chair, wrapped in the frigid embrace of the over air-conditioned, fluorescently lit arms of corporate America for five straight days in a row and guys, it is not fun.

THANKS OBAMA.

Ok actually I should cut the drama, I still get out at noon today because we're spoiled and get half day Fridays in the summer.  The segundo the office closes I'm sprinting my hiney up to Penn Station to catch an Amtrak home to good old Elizabethtown, PA. I'm SO EXCITED. Michael, Kathleen and my BFFFFFFFF Lucy are in from Chicago, so my mom is hosting a get together for everyone to meet the babe. In the South this type of party is called a Sip n See. What an absurd name. I LOVE IT. In addition to sippin' and seein', we'll be celebrating my sister Marge's birthday, which was yesterday (HBD MAGLET!) and a whole bunch of family and friends are coming in from all over the place and it's going to be so much fun. I'm pumped! 

Now I need to, you know, get to twerkin instead of wasting away my whole morning on the internet so without further ado, a quick look at what was keeping it both awkward and awesome this week. 

AWESOME: THIS PLAY

seawife, play, art, music

Last night was the coolest! This girl (gal? woman? adult human female???) I went to college with is the Artistic Director of this very renowned theater company called Naked Angels and is currently directing a new folk musical called Seawife. The show features this folk band called The Lobbyists and it is AMAZING. It's basically a 2 hour long live action adaptation of a Decemberists song: full of tragedy, love, whaling,  shanties, ghosts, intricately tattooed men with tortured souls, urchins, pirates and MORE. I laughed, I cried, I bought the CD (which I now realized I can listen to for free on the internet but good for me for supporting artists!), I'd go again if I could.

NYC Peepz: RECOMMENDED. They are in a limited run right now, but tix are still available through the end of the month. You can learn more / buy here. Run don't walk! 

AWKWARD:

underoos!

These underoos. 

This is actually an older story but it came up again in my life this week so I'll revisit. Earlier this summer I was meeting some girlfriends for dinner after work and went for a run before going to the restaurant. When I went to change out of my gym clothes (and shower! don't worry!) I realized I'd forgotten a second pair of panties (do you hate that word??? I don't mind it but some people despise it! PANTIES!) and mine were da-renched in sweat so I had two options: wear sweaty underwear out to dinner (ew) or go commando in a short dress. Double ew. I know some people are all about that life - I have one friend who literally never wears underpants - but not for me. Maybe in pants. But a dress? Get real.

Or option C: buy new underpants!

I boldly walked the 15 blocks from my gym to the restaurant sans culottes, my eyes peeled for some kind of clothing/department/lingerie store I could pop into but of course there were none. But AHA! There was a CVS down the block from the restaurant! I walked in the door and was IMMEDIATELY greeted by a worker. 

"Hello! Can I help you find something?!'

Now, I don't really love enthusiastic sales people in stores in general, like, please leave me to shop in peace, if I need your help I'll ask for it, but especialllllly in a drug store. As much as I try to be an unashamed, body positive human being, there is still something so intimate about shopping in a drugstore. 

Can you help me? Oh sure! Where do you keep the anti fungal gels? Spermicides? Hemmeroid cream? I've got 'roids all UP IN DERE.

No.

I didn't want to tell this person I was looking for underpants - I don't know why, I guess I thought they'd like, know I wasn't wearing any?? I'm nuts. So I asked them if they sold socks. 

Socks!

I assumed  that if the did  sell undies they'd be in the same aisle as the socks and tights and thangs. And I was right! Ding ding!

I grabbed a three pack of serviceable Hanes brand cotton bikini briefs and scurried up to the registers, where I planned to surreptitiously self check out and bounce. Except, OF COURSE the self checkout was broken so I had to go to the actual register which was now manned by none other than the same employee who had just directed me towards the socks.

I cringed as I slid my pack o' panties across the counter, praying she did not like, mention that I was holding underwear instead of socks like I had asked for but blessedly she was a pro and didn't bring it up. 

I got to the restaurant and found my friends sitting at the bar. 

"Order me a cocktail!" I shouted, racing past them to the ladies room "I gotta go put some underpants on!" 

Why would anyone want to be seen in public with me? GR8 question!

Anyway, this week I found myself in a similar sweat soaked situation but booyah: I'd kept this pack tucked in my gym bag for under pant emergencies so Hanes Her Way to the rescue! And now ya know: if you ever find yourself stranded and commando (strando?), head right to the sock aisle of the nearest CVS. 

AWESOME: THIS DINNER

sad wings

Actually the wangs were DISAPPOINTING which was super sad. Is there anything more tragic than dry, overcooked buffalo wings?? I feel like NO. But, they were devoured while watching USA crushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Japan in the World Cup final on Sunday night so they remain firmly in the awesome column. WHAT A GAME! Did y'all watch?? The funnest. I was hoping to get to the ticker tape parade today but I'm not going to be able to make it. I'll be cheering loudly from my office, though!

U-S-A! U-S-A! 

AWKWARD: THIS SOCIAL MEDIA SITE

facebook

Earlier this week I was laying in bed idly scrolling through my newsfeed when I came upon that "people you might know" section and a NIGHTMARE came to life: my thumb idly landed upon the "request" button of one of these recommended pals...my assistant Alex.

AAAAAH.

Now, I think Alex is great and obviously that's way better than like, a full on stranger but... is it? I am all about keeping a separate work/life balance and though I am obviously the coolest boss on the planet earth, no one wants to be social media friends with their boss. I want this gal to feel like she can really let her internet freak flag fly without worrying about her manager getting all up in her personal life. And I didn't want her to feel like she had to accept my request because she reports to me. 

So I did what any sensible person would do and panicked to Briguy who was like "UM CALM DOWN FREAK" and then renegged the request.

Do you think she got a notification??? Like, what is worse? Getting a friend request from your boss and having to decide if you want to accept or not OR getting a friend request from your boss and then seeing it disappear and thinking your boss is spying on you OR decided she doesn't want to be associated with you in public after all?

I almost mentioned it to her the next day in a total overexplain situation but decided that, for once, I'd be mature and semi-sane and just keep it to myself (and the internet obviously) and hopefully not make it worse.

Modern times, guys. Life is hard. 

Speaking of the 'Book: have you liked the hottsauceblog page yet?? All the cool kids are doing it!! Hop to! 

AWKWARD WITH A SIDE OF AWESOME: THIS SWEET TAT

betches

Ok that is fully illegible because I forgot that objects in the mirror are more backwards than they appear. Whoops. Well all you need to know is that it says "betches." 

BETCHES.

My friend Amy hosted a 4th of July bash at her parents' house in (slash on?!) Long Island, replete with flip cup, a swimming pool, hot dawgs and all the french onion dip my little heart could desire. One of our friends said she was bringing out patriotic temporary tattoos which I though would be like, flags and fireworks and stuff but somehow I ended up with the word 'betches' in cursive on my bicep.

Are betches extra American? God Bless Betches and the USA? I don't even know.

ANYWAY I totally forgot I had this on until Monday afternoon when I was in pilates class and I caught a glimpse of my tatted arm in the mirror and burst out laughing. Luckily I'd been wearing a cardigan in the office so I don't think anyone saw it at work. But come on. Keeping it classy with a capital C. 

And that, betches, was mah week! How was yours? What's new? Is anyone going to the parade today? Are you wearing underpants right now, you freaks?! 

Happy, happy, happy Friday!

xoxoxo Liz Hott