Another Awkward Week...Or Two [5.8.15]

Hey chickadees, happy May! What has everyone been up to? Enjoying the spring weather? Sneezing through seasonal allergies? Kind of extremely bored with Mad Men but still slogging through because it's the final season and it's "Prestige TV" and Jon Hamm has an A+ Dad Bod and what else are you going to do with your time? 

Sounds like you and I have quite a bit in common! Have you also been causing scenes left right and center or is that just me?

As always I've been a smooth operator all over town so why don't we take a look at what's been keeping it awkward these past few weeks.

This Escalator:

tar-jay

As I've mentioned before, the Target closest to my home is a complete garbage dump and yet I still visit time and time again because I just can't resist the big T. The store is two stories with one of those fancy escalators that brings your cart up along next to you. I went down last weekend to pick up some essentials - you know, trash bags, scented candles, underpants, all that good stuff. I had a few items I needed to grab from the upstairs department, so I pushed my cart through the swinging doors onto the "carts only" side and hopped onto the people side. I was six steps up when I looked over and realized my cart was not moving along beside me but was instead, stuck at the bottom.

I quickly lived every child's dream and ran down the up escalator (baller, I know) to try to rescue my stuff. The cart escalator is blocked off with a set of saloon doors, basically that swing inwards, but not backwards, effectively trapping my cart inside. I tried to find someone who worked there but of course there was nary a red vest in sight. WHY would anyone be monitoring the escalator when they could be standing around in a corner somewhere, gossiping with their co-workers, or half-heartedly pretending to re-stock shelves in he food aisle?? 

I managed to rescue my stuff all by my lonesome by  holding the door open with my knees - a very unsalacious way for one to find themselves spread eagle in the middle of a Target!!  

Oh and in case you're wondering if people stood around and watched without offering to help, um, obviously

This Shoe:

shoesie

My coworker Margaret and I were running a very important work-related errand over lunch the other day (ok, we were buying crafting supplies) (and then we stopped at Old Navy) (I just can't get enough of that joint) and as we were racing to catch an elevator, she stepped on the back of my shoe and it got caught and fell off and we both stumbled andddd the young man ahead of us most assuredly hit the "close door" button over and over again, very aggressively, rather than waiting for us to get our shit together. 

PS: On a scale of 1 - 10 how sexy are my insoles? Like, 15?? I thought so.

This Shirt:

this damn shirt

Finally got to wear it for the first time, after staining it before even leaving my house and it looks like we'll be headed RIGHT back to the dry cleaner's because I managed to drop noodles all over it while literally shoving my lunch into my face yesterday.

Basically I should just move into the dry cleaner's at this point. 

Also this is mostly a segue so I can tell you guys about these noodles which are pretty much my new bae.

Am I using bae right?

Spicy Coconut Noodles via Shutterbean (one of my vvvvvv fave food bloggers!) with her Sambal Chicken Skewers. Supremo easy, you should all make them immediately. I added thinly sliced peppers to the noodles & just grilled up reggo chicken breasts with sambal marinade, rather than skewering them. I have now made this recipe twice in the last two weeks and it's even better as leftovers and I will probably just lick this shirt clean in the end, this sauce is that good.

RECOMMENDED!!!! 

This Gift:

boneifiedgates

Wedding season 2K15 has begun! JK my whole life is wedding season, I've already been to three and have five more yet this year. 

Do you get sick of me complaining about how popular I am, or do you find it adorable? Probbbb option A. 

Anyway, new year, same old us, FINALLY mailing out that belated gift for the Tennessee wedding I mentioned oh, three months ago. It's been sitting on my office floor that whole time. No excuses, whatsoever, just lazy AF. 

ORRRR we could say I like to keep the love going after the excitement dies down? I mean NOTHING is sadder than the complete drop in attention after your wedding is over...except maybe world hunger. You go from being the Most Exciting and Beloved Person in the room to just some lame old married has been. It's ROUGH STUFF. I don't want my friends to have to go through that, so I send their gifts niiiiice and late. Drag out the love.

That's definitely it. 

(PS: I adore gel manicures so much, look how gorgeous my hands are, but now I can't stop thinking about this NYT article about treatment of NYC salon workers.  Ugh.  Add yet another page to my first world guilt journal. And yes I know I should be more concerned bout the plight of the workers than my own anxieties over the situation, thx!) 

This Glass:

rip glass!

...and This Glass:

rip other glass!!

Speaking of weddings, future brides and grooms, might I suggest registering for at least double, if not quadruple or even sextuple the glasses you think you might need because if you're anything like me, and bless you if you are, you'll break 80% of yours before you even reach your first anniversary. 

You might also consider upping your dish towels by a few, as you may light at least one on fire at some point.

fiery dish towel party time

Le sigh. 

So there ya have it, kids.  Life! What a mess. But we can all take comfort in the fact, that no matter how many glasses we're smashing or shirts we're ruining, it's unlikely any of us is having a worse day than these Macy's mannequins. 

sad mannequins

YIKES!

Have a great weekend, y'all! Don't forget to call your mom on Sunday!!!

xoxo Liz Hott