Guyssss Happy Friday! It's MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND! Summer is nigh. Have any big plans for the weekend? Brian's bestie (or "brostie," as Ross suggested for male bffs!) is getting married and Briguy is the best man! I'm pumped for a long weekend of friends and booze and getting my dance on. Not as much dance as Brian'll be getting on, though. This is a traditional Indian wedding with many various celebrations, one of which is sort of a big friends and family talent show. And the sure-to-be highlight of the evening is a choreographed traditional Indian dance performed by the groomsmen.
OH HAYLLLL YES. I have never been more excited for anything in my entire life. Including that Taylor Swift video which...kind of a letdown? Amazing? But shoulda been longer? I digress.
I'm planning to clear my phone of all photos, apps, contacts, etc to allow full throttle memory and storage space for videotaping this performance and watching it on repeat whenever I'm feeling blue. I anticipate hilarious greatness.
I'm such a nice wife!!
So that's what I'll be up to. I hope you'll be doing something equally amazing or, at the very least, stuffing yourself with hot dogs and lazily wasting away the long weekend. It's the American way!
On that note, today's a half day for moi (I'm spoiled rotten sometimes) so ain't no time to waste this morning! Let's take a quick look at what was keeping it awkward this week (ish).
I do not know why I was being such a brat about the Brooklyn Half Marathon, it ended up being insanely fun and despite my self defeatist attitude, I actually smashed my PR and ran superduper fast (1:49 finish time, 8:22 average split pace!) and I am very proud of my accomplishment. It has recently come to my attention that I tend to approach every single situation assuming I have failed, or will fail and perhaps I need to address this.
I'm on it.
I will say it is a good thing I'm so talented at running, it turns out I'm kind of a moron when it comes to other forms of transportation and simply sprinting everywhere might save me a lot of embarrassment. Somehow 13.1 miles turned out to be the easiest part of my Saturday...
The race kicked off in front of the Brooklyn Museum, about ten feet from my old apartment and 1.7 miles from my new one, with Prospect Park forming a big, green, transit-less barrier in the middle. Basically the only way to get from A to B is to string together a complex mesh of bus lines or just walk. In pretty standard Liz fashion fashion, (and Brian! We're both terrible) we stressed out a LOT about what to eat and wear and how to get home from the race but failed to really put forth a plan of action for getting TO the starting line.
Like, I looked up the official event hashtag before I looked up how to get there.
The race started at the crack of dawn, I got myself up and ready and anxiously shoved half a bagel with almond butter in my mouth and started to panic about getting to the starting line too late. I had planned to take a bus line I know very well, but last minute decided I'd take a different one because I thought (erroneously) (spoiler alert) that it would be quicker. ALSO I didn't want to bring my metro card with me, lest I lose it, so I grabbed a handful of dollar bills and four quarters and booked it to catch the B61.
As I waited at the stop, I saw other runners heading towards the park and I swear they all gave me a look like, "you sure about this plan, girl?" But I held fast and boarded the bus when it arrived. The only other passenger was a 90+ woman sitting in the front seat.
The bus driver gave me a once over, looked at my race bib and said:
"You know where you're going?"
"The museum!" I squawked, holding out my soggy pile of George Washingtons.
"This bus doesn't go to the museum," he replied, "and we don't accept dollar bills. Are you new here?"
No, sir, eight years and counting. I'm just kind of a moron.
He turned out to be super duper nice and let me ride a few minutes with him for free, before letting me out about five blocks from my house. Saved me five blocks of walking, anyway!
EXCEPT: I still had this handful of quarters. I didn't know what to do with them!! I shoved the dollar bills up into my iPhone arm band and tried to put the quarters in there but they kept falling out so I just held them in my hand like an idiot the whole way through the security line and into the starting corrals and then I just left them in a little pile on the side of the road.
It was really weird. I should have just put them in the bus fare bin (buses DO take quarters. And metro cards. Just no dolla billz. Now you know!) or like, thrown them down a drain or something but it was a whole dollar and I didn't want to be wasteful. I actually yearned for once to walk past some kind of busker and briefly entertained the thought of throwing them into a fountain even though I know for a fact there are no fountains on my route.
I don't know guys. It was really early!
The dollar bills didn't serve a much easier fate. Every time I took my iPhone out of my arm band they would fall out and a nice person would call after me and I'd scurry back and rescue my sad sweaty three bucks. This happened literally FIVE TIMES and it never occurred to me to put them somewhere safer. Le sigh.
Meanwhile, my sweet sister, who had come all the way up for Philadelphia to cheer us on (in the pouring rain!) was stuck for nearly an hour waiting for the subway in a valiant attempt to get to the finish line, way out in Coney Island. She ended up making it about three stops before turning around and heading home. She didn't make it to the finish line but did get a nice scenic tour of Central Brooklyn so...chalk it up to a win!
Basically Hobags + public transit = not a happy marriage.
Meanwhile-while as I was making it rain all over town and Margie was underground, Mr. Hott was FLASHING through the borough quicker than the speed of light! My hubslice ran his first half marathon in one hour and nineteen minutes, an average pace of just over six minutes per mile. THAT IS BANANAS. I knew he was fast, but didn't know he was THIS fast! He ended up placing 136 out of 27,000 people. That's the top 1%!! AND he didn't even need to use a calculator to figure out that percentage, he did it in his brain!! Smart and sporty. I hit the jackpot with this one. I'm so proud of him!!
Ok barffffff it up, I know I know. Moving along!
The other day was International Hummus Day and OBVZ I celebrated hard. I eat so much hummus, guys, I think my bloodstream is like 47% pureed chickpeas. I treated mahself to my favorite falafel for lunch and ended up with some leftover tahini sauce, which I then used to take my afternoon snack game to the next level.
What you're looking at here, folks, is a multigrain rice cake with smashed avocado, salt, pepper and bangin' tahini sauce. After I whipped up this masterpiece I just sat there and stared at it, so effing proud of my achievements in fine desk dining, basically composing my soon to be bestselling cookbook in my head. I picked up my snack, brought it to my mouth andddddddddddd somehow missed my mouth entirely, instead dropping the thing upsidedown on my forearm, effectively covering myself in my beloved tahini.
HOW did that even happen?
Also yes, duh, I did lick it off my arm. If I let all the food I spilled on myself go to waste, I'd be broke and starving in seconds.
(PS: YES that is a photo of Pacey Witter behind me. He's my office boyfriend. Love you forever Pacey!!!!!!)
Now HERE we have a delightful example of priorities seriously out of whack.
The other morning I was scrambling to get out the door to work and couldn't find my keys. I searched high and low before finding them in most idiotic place of all: still hanging in the lock to the apartment door. Safety first!!!
Obviously my very first thought was to snap a photo for le blog not, you know, take out the keys and move along with my life.
Flash forward 34 minutes later when I arrived at work to find my office door locked, despite the gigantic Please Do Not Lock sign pasted directly above the knob. I reached into my purse to grab my keychain and ... was it there?
Offffffffffff course not!
Apparently after snapping the photo you see above I just turned around and walked right off into the day, leaving the keys STILL hanging in the lock.
Get. It. Together. Liz.
On top of it all, I actually had an early meeting I had to attend, hence my haste, AND I'd forgotten to put on deodorant! i didn't let this fact panic me on the subway ride to work, knowing I had an emergency tube in my desk drawer.
But there I found myself, stranded, keyless, smelly, late for a meeting, my home likely being burglarized. Just your average Tuesday.
I'd like to say I learned some kind of lesson about like, keeping track of my belongings or prioritizing actually important things like say, home safety and getting to work on time over taking idiotic photos in the hopes people will laugh and give me attention but, yeah, I think it's fairly safe to say this is not even close to the last time I do something this ditzy.
You know what they say, consistency is the spice of life!!!!
(No one says that.)
And that's THAT. Time to get this Big Fat Indian Memorial Day Wedding Weekend started. Do you think anyone would notice if I made a bloody mary in my coffee mug???
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!! Or something like that!!!!