Another Awkward Week [4.10.15]

Helloooo and happy Fridayyyyy! Finally. Yesterday I would have sworn on the grave of Paul Walker (too soon?) that it was Thursday. Like, scientifically how is this week not yet over? Did we time travel or something? I'm dying. I need so many naps it's unreal.

Good lord, I'm dramatic.

And how are YOU doing?! Surviving?

ANYWAY, it's been a while so I thought I'd take a short break from yammering on about my honeymoon to revisit our regularly scheduled programming. Aka yammring on about my boring everyday life. 

Woo hoo! Let's take a look at what was keeping it awkward this April showery week: 

This Wound: 

wound


We took a cooking class in Vietnam (more on that to come, obvs) and were somehow convinced into buying these funky knives that all the local chefs use - our teacher showed us how easy it is to slice things reallllll thin and assured us it's basically impossible to cut yourself.

Oh ho ho, au contraire, my friend, Au contraire. NOTHING is impossible!! I'd barely had that thing out of the suitcase before I was bleeding from the knuckle. 

Constantly nailing it over here. 

This Wiz Palace:

wiz palace

I went to a book party at the world's hippest apartment the other night and managed to be pretty cool and collected until the verrryyy end of the night when I stopped in the (impeccably decorated) powder room for a quick numero uno on my way out annnddddd the toilet wouldn't flush. It would just sort of run a little water into the bowl and then just chill out, not emptying, taunting me.

AMEN it was just 1 & no 2 but I COULD NOT leave this bathroom without fully flushing the toilet, these people were SO classy and the br was riiiight in the middle of the room and everyone would see me and know it was me. In fact, they were probably all huddling outside the bathroom wondering what was taking me so long and WHAT had come out of me that was requiring me to flush the toilet 8 times in a row. There was no window I could jump out. I began to panic. WHAT WOULD I DO?! 

I forced myself to be calm, take a deep breath...and a selfie...and somehow, miracle of miracles, on the NINTH try, the toilet fully flushed.

OBVIOUSLY zero people were staring at the bathroom when I shamefully sprinted out the door and zero people even seemed to notice me and life just continued to move on around me while I was doing weird stuff and having near-death-by-mortification incidents. 

What else is new.

(Ps: that THAT WALLPAPER thoe!)

This Book:

life changing magic

This is a book entitled The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up which, I'm sure you can deduce is all about, well, being tidy. 

It has been laying there on the floor in the middle of the bedroom for 3 days now...and counting. 

Oh, the irony. THE IRONY.

PS. I have MANY thoughts on this book, I'll write it up soon! Have any of you read?! 

This Iced Coffee:

ice ice ice

Second iced coffee of the season means first iced coffee of the season I bring into the drugstore with me and leave on the pharmacy counter and not realize until I get almost a block away back to my office and have to decide which is worse: the shame of returning or wasting $3 more on a coffee. (Note that just abandoning it all and going without caffeine was never an option.) 

I chose Option A...the pharmacy clerk did not think I was as cute as I thought when I giggled my way back into her zone yammering about how hard it is to do anything until you've had your coffee, including you know...drink coffee. 

Sorry, lady! 

This Waterfall:

don't go chasing waterfalls

This isn't so much awkward as just a crazy thing that happened this week. I was going uptown from my office with two colleagues to attend an author event. We were taking the uptown one train which is notoriously kind of slow, especially at rush hour. They're always stopping for "train traffic ahead" or some other lame reason, so when we halted between stations I just sighed and settled in for a jerky commute. At this point the conductor came on the intercom and mumbled that "due to water issues" our next stop, 14th street, would be our last stop.

This was 8 stops before we needed to get off but again, random stoppages and re-routes is pretty par for the course here in this garbage town (just kidding, I love it here), so I remained unconcerned. 

THENNN we saw that other passengers were walking through the doors between the trains, marching single file from the back of the train up to the front. Apparently someone had told someone that every passenger had to walk to the verrrrry front of the train to get off as we were ... my greatest fear come true...stuck between stations. 

AAAH! 

We joined the single file march and, though everyone was staying relatively calm (save my one co-worker who I shall not name to protect the innocent) I couldn't help but feel like we were being marched to like, a forced labor camp or something. It was eerie!

Eerier still: the train had pulled into the next station JUST enough that the very first door touched the verrrrry tippy top end of the subway platform, like against the tunnel wall (ew) and as we nervously stepped off one by one, we saw that the "water issue" was actually a full-on waterfall flood cascading down onto the tracks!

BANANAS. Turns out there was a water-main break right above the track and 500 people had to be evacuated from the trains. I was one of them! HOW EXCITING!! I've always wanted to be part of a news item. 

I almost  / maybe had a brush with fame, too. I instagrammed this photo and CNN commented to ask if they could use it. I said OBVIOUSLY OF COURSE because I will do anything for attention...and I don't know if it aired on TV or not but I can't find it online anywhere! I messaged CNN to ask if they ended up using it but they never wrote back :( :(. 

So close to famous, guys. I feel so used! I put out too soon and now they won't call me back. WAAAH.

Just kidding (but not really). 

Will someone PLEASE just put me on TV already?!

And that, pals, is what's UP. 

Plans for the weekend? I have a friend's wedding tomorrow and it's supposed to be gorgeous all weekend, hoorah! Hoping yours is full of sunshine and iced coffee and NOT full of water all over your daily commute. 

xoxo Liz Ho